It been a while since I last visited the site and coming back is really uplifting. Everyone on here is lovely and it's reassuring to hear from people going through the same as me.
Funny, really, as I can be really outgoing but sometimes I can be a bit of a loner. That part of me has been winning since I found out I was BP. I miss being the life of the party but I guess I know that person is always inside me ready to enjoy life to the full.
Anyway, I wanted to post a thread about psychosis. I don't know if it is the same for anybody else but I have had trouble talking about the times when my perception of reality has shifted. Part of that is to do with the paranoia I experienced during my first episode but also due to trusting someone enough that you don't think they're just going to think "crazy."
I thought that the forum might be a good place to start. I feel a need share it and find out what others have experienced. I hope some of you might be willing to, too.
My first episode when something finally went pop was about a year and a half ago. I started communicating in tones, like a bird, and then thought I was a robot. Ending up being taken to hospital but only after a lot of people had tried to talk to me.
Nobody could talk to me and make sense of what I was saying. To me though it all made perfect sense, I was communicating on a different level where the words all had hidden meaning. They ended up leaving me in room by myself, and that's when things got really interesting. Still believing I was the soul of a man trapped in a robot I began to move around the room. But my movements where being translated into solutions to a scienctific problem, that is the prevention of the final destruction of the universe.
As I became more confident my movements began to change into a dance. That dance was holding the universe together and I knew I couldn't stop until it was safe again. That didn't matter, though, because I was really enjoying myself. I remember getting some funny looks from the people outside of the room. I'm a pretty big bloke, 6'3", so it must have been quite a sight.
Anyway that is just the start of it but it did feel good to let it out.
If you fancy sharing some of your experiences with me then I would love to hear them. For me this is a brave move but I think it is healthy. It is good to share after all.
May today find you happy to be alive and full of hope.
Lots of love,
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