This all started out simply enough. A moderator of a Facebook group posted two of my complete articles on the group's site: What the ONE thing would you say ONE friend or family member about your bipolar disorder? and What Are Generic Drugs? Are They Safe? Why Do They Cost Less? This moderator felt the articles would be helpful to her community, and of course, that's why I wrote them - for the bipolar disorder community. The problem is, copying and republishing my entire article is a copyright violation. This kind of thing happens to About.com Guides all the time, and we are asked to contact the website owner whenever possible.
I couldn't find any way to contact the moderator privately, so I posted comments on the two articles explaining the situation and how to alter the presentation so copyright wasn't violated. Several days later, having heard nothing, I checked and found the articles still there, so I posted on the group's wall. It just so happened that unbeknownst to me, that particular moderator had been taken to the hospital a few hours earlier for a non-bipolar related illness. Another moderator replied letting me know the situation, and I understood and said nothing more.
Then today - BAM! A third moderator viciously attacked me. "What kind of person are you?" she asked. "This is extremely cold and heartless of you." And she closed by saying, "Are you enjoying life by acting the way you do, Marcia? I see this topic as closed and expect you to stop bothering us."
Her anger was set off because I didn't say anything about the original moderator being rushed to the hospital. How was I supposed to say that when I didn't know?
So there, in front of an entire bipolar community, I'm being attacked unfairly, made the "bad guy." All I wanted was for the moderators to obey copyright laws. Reprinting my content without permission is illegal and does me harm for more than one reason. If you've ever been attacked by someone online, you know how it hurts. It's like being screamed at in front of all your friends at a party for something you didn't do. It hurts - and makes you angry. So this is where wanting to spit nails comes in.
As much as I wanted to explode back, I didn't - I replied as calmly as I could addressing the issues. And it didn't help a bit. I'm just being told "the issue has been addressed" (which it has not) and asked to "leave the group alone." Once again I've replied as best I could, but this time I did ask why I'm being crucified in public over this.
Update 7/14/11: The copyright issue has been resolved between me and the person who posted my articles and was unaware that doing so violated copyright. Let me make it very clear that I never thought this person deliberately intended any harm. Our correspondence on the issue has been warm and friendly. My anger was caused not by her, but by the different person who attacked me over the issue. End update.
Anger management can be a tough thing for people who have bipolar disorder. I've handled mine - so far - by understanding that if I respond angrily, I'll only make the situation worse. Yet my stomach is knotted up and I'm actually perspiring. I've gone on and done other things in the meantime, but my mind keeps coming back to being attacked so brutally and unfairly. I'm managing the outward expression of my anger, but the inward is eating me up inside. These people are damaging my reputation in front of a bipolar community. It makes me feel sick. It makes me want to cry.
Do you blow up when something like this happens, whether online or in your daily life? Do you internalize it and brood over it? Do you cry? Do you try to smooth it over, or discuss things calmly? How do you handle it when something infuriates you out of the blue - and do you have any advice for me?
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Marcia, I know how you feel and admire how you handle yourself.
As well as content theft, I get weird hate mail because I sell e-Books (the money funds the annual Bipolar Lives Scholarship)Also hate mail because I spell “bipolar” instead of “bi polar” (seriously!), and my favorite – hate mail because I share the fact that low dose lithium has helped me (and yes, I do explain it is not for everyone).
It is very important for my own health that I manage my anger. So I use DBT techniques like distracting and self soothing. E.g. read a real page turner of a paperback for an hour (bad for my productivity but better than stewing all day) or do something that feels physically good like take a bubble bath and put on my fave clean pyjamas.
I am also blessed to have a treadmill I can work out on and a relationship with someone who understands how hard I have worked on my website and why I do it.
I also keep positive messages from readers that I can look at to remind myself that most folks are great.
Marcia, you provide the best consumer site on bipolar disorder on the Internet! That is an amazing accomplishment! Everyday you touch thousands of people in constructive, encouraging and positive ways.
In the past I have blown up but NOTHING good ever comes of it. There is a path between internalizing anger and acting out. I acknowledge the feelings but use distration and/or self soothing to change my emotional state.
Obviously I have a way to go or I wouldn’t be projecting by writing this super-long post
Copyright violations are illegal and morally wrong like any form of stealing so it is reasonable to be upset, especially when you get abused on top of it. What works best for me is a distraction that really is powerful enough to change my thoughts, or something physical where the sensory stimulation is strong enough to bring about a changed emotional state.
Glad you stood up for yourself! As a photographer I have to deal with folks stealing my work constantly…and then telling me I’m rude for asking they not steal it. The thought process of some folks truly blows my mind. “It’s on the internet so I can steal it if I want…and you should be happy I passed it on to 12 more friends who’ll post it without paying you too.”
Really? Come on folks. No matter how much we love what we do, the power company doesn’t let us pay the bills with nothing.
Heh, guess that answers how I deal with it doesn’t it? Rant, rave, fume, and rewrite emails 15 times before contacting the content thieves.
So if Marcia doesn’t like a comment, she’ll delete it. Censorship is a bipolar’s friend, especially when they hate criticism. That’s great news to hear, you wont be in my rss reader anymore.
The opinions you present will be disregarded like last nights leftover meatloaf. Marcia get a life and quit hounding people, your a copyright thief too. Look in the mirror, hypocrite.
Aaron, I am not required to post personal attacks against me as comments to my blog. The post of yours that I deleted was such an attack.
You appear to have no understanding whatsoever of what copyright means, and I’m tired of explaining it. Rest assured, you are incorrect in your interpretation.
I attacked no one in the blog, I merely stated the facts of the situation and quoted part of the post that upset and angered me. I did not even identify the site in question.
Any future comments to this blog that are personal attacks will be deleted.
I thought you handled that very well. Not identifying the site is also very classy. This story was very interestig and I have bookmarked it so I can return and view further coments
Thanks for this wonderful resource
aaron – get over it. it’s a good thing you’ve deleted marcia off of your rss reader, because she doesn’t need immature people like you reading her blog anyhow.
if this comment is deleted – that’s fine. but marcia, you’re a good person and you handle your emotions with what could be explosive very well. i have a very hard time with this.
Aaron, I can see you don’t like it when you are wrong. You need to understand your comments in a public forum need to have some respect and not deliberate hate messages. This kind of comment we would rather not have to read about. You need the anger management classes to help with your finger pointing criticism, that none of us care about. We are glad your comment was deleted, and it’s funny how you couldn’t move on until you looked like a fool and posted another. Censorship against your remarks is everyone’s friend. Now make sure your RSS feed is cleared so the rest of us can continue without hate messages. And have a nice day.
Everybody has the right to there opinion lay off her she is good person she has help me deal with a lot of bi polar with her articles. They have givn me a voice again and I am very grateful. So please try to be kinder we don’t need such negativity on line. That’s just my opinion Marcia love ya keep up the great great work!
I don’t understand what all the hoopla is about. Your articles and blog posts belong to About.com, and to The New York Times by copyright law. You explained the proper way to use part of the article with a link back, which is the standard across the Internet, and which avoids any possible legal implications from The New York Times.
I’m sure that the person who copied the articles didn’t understand that doing so was illegal. But now that this has been pointed out, I don’t see why someone on the Facebook group doesn’t just make the correction and be done with it.
It is illegal to copy a book or print article without explicit permission, and that same law extends to online writing. Producing useful articles, whether online or in print, requires research, formatting and editing – which often take hours of work. Thus the need for copyright protection.
As for how I try to stay calm in these situations, I pray, and I think on pleasant things, take a hot shower and catch some sleep or find something interesting to occupy my mind, and I vent to friends – the right ones ask me questions to “reel me in” and get me to settle down. I won’t pretend that I always remember to do this stuff – often I let things get the best of me and sap my energy. But the choice is there for me to make.
Best wishes and peace to all involved.
Marcia is hack, please people do yourself a favor and stay clear of this woman. She has no credibility.
Sorry, but those of us who have been a part of this site for years (ten, in my case) know that Marcia has LOTS of credibility.
Marcia, ignore the negative comments of small-minded emotional children, most of them commenting publicly only because they can hide behind the anonymity of the internet. Your site has been and I’m sure will continue to be very valuable to my mental health. I’ve written a newspaper column (real estate) for eight years and have had them stolen as was yours. And I do not use the word “stolen” casually, stealing my work (or yours) is the same as stealing a brick from my front porch steps. I pay the bank for that brick every month. I paid for the knowledge in my columns with years of education and experience. I would have reacted as you did, and been justified in doing so. Having said all that, there is a limit to the amount of time I’d spend worrying about someone who’s so obviously one brick short of a load.
Aaron. Don’t waste your time
worrying about Marci
a you obvoiusly have your own issues to work on. While those of us really need this blog and I’m sure many find it informative simply to know others care and we are not alone. A life o
r lives could have been saved or still can be in the future. Go on wiyh your own life and leave the rest of us alone.
The way I see it, Marcia has plenty of credibility and that’s part of the reason why she’s concerned about copyright and theft.
JJ above mentioned that this site is part of the New York Times company. I’m fairly certain that the Facebook group who posted her articles (illegally) would rather be addressed by the author of those articles than a grouchy legal department from a major publisher.
Fact is, you can’t take an article, photo, or any portion of a website and post it elsewhere unless you have permission. Doesn’t matter if the article is intended to help others or not. It could be a thoughtful piece like those that were lifted, or a simple commentary on shoelaces. Doesn’t matter one bit. The copyright owner owns the piece.
The author in this case didn’t make threats or act in an impolite manner. She quite rightly asked that her articles be presented in the correct manner and format. I’m not sure why it had to escalate like this, but she doesn’t deserve anyone’s scorn for the way she’s handled it.
Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can’t go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Think of what you’re saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it’s alright.
Think of what I’m saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there’s no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it’s a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There’s a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there’s no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it’s a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There’s a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
~The Beatles
I’d contact Facebooks legal department. They probably get copyright complaints all the time.
Mike
I’m sorry this happened to you, Marcia. It sounds like you handled it appropriately, at least on the outside. As for handling the emotions… what do you normally do to deal with stress?
Must be something in the air this week. Long story made short, my neighbor thinks it’s okay to park in front of my driveway just because I’m rarely home. I didn’t handle it very well at all. He yelled and used the eff word, and unfortunately I followed suit.
It’s funny, but yesterday i was trying to clear out some old papers and came across my “apartment” file. Half of it was filled with issues (mostly monetary) I had with landlords or managers. I did what you did, stating the problem, hoping for the response i wanted, and when i didn’t get it, I went for help bringing in the authorities who had advice, sent certified letters, and maybe got what I wanted. Here, more than 10 years later in some cases, I still had that collection of letters, notes, evidence, etc. Why? If I tried my best to resolve the issue and whether or not it got resolved, why hold on? If I don’t consider myself the type to hold grudges, then I need to let those papers go. Now.
I was infuriated when it happened, but I can have that feeling again when I see those papers. A friend told me about some advice he was given about a relationship, but it seems to work here too. Its like a basketball you dribble. you can continue dribbling it or let go and even though it will still bounce, eventually it stops.
Why we turn these events in our minds so much, I don’t know. The other person who was angry was reacting in an emotional way to the injustice he or she felt. If they are bipolar and have that same broken record playing, then they will also have the same problem you have. Miscommunication can kill compassion. Not knowing the situation is one thing. That’s when you are open to being told information and not given it. Not considering the many reasons possible for someone’s actions or words is not allowing ourselves to see beyond face value of the situation, to consider that the other person is also human and can make mistakes or be misinformed, etc.
I hope you can stop playing basketball with this soon. I know its not easy.
Hi Marcia, as one bi polar to another. Life is short; let it go. This world is hard to live in. I understand your point absolutely and I would be upset. But is it worth it? Love you! Love your website, take that as a consolation. No matter how much medication helps but not all of it; a therapist is not going to help. Only Jehovah helps….talk to Him everyday; you will be comforted> I guaranteed it….
By the way, I had a facebook page but went off of it after a few weeks because I do not want people know about me and invade my privacy. Facebook is not what it is all crack up to be, there are hackers, murderers, pheodiles (after your kids or yourself as a young guillible person) and there are people who are rude if that is putting it mildly. Actually, that was a trigger back in 2001 when I was in a chatroom as a regular (Headliners, talking about the news, such)I was fairly popular and then was attacked. Really, I went to the hospital and had my first bi polar episode.
IT IS NOT GOOD FOR PPL WHO ARE SENSITIVE AND CAN BREAK DOWN. WARNING! I am still dealing with this bi polar and taking medications. Of course, it is a lifetime disorder. I know that. But if ANYONE is dealing with pressures, anxiety, anyone can have a breakdown and never recovered to their “normal” self. Stop worry! stop!
I sympathize with you, Marcia. A reasonable person would have enjoyed being contacted by the author of a piece she wanted to use, an expert in a field she seems to have an interest in. They should have acquiesced and just posted a link to your article. No pain, no legal departments, no problem.
Where do some of these unreasonable people come from? I lose my good sense sometimes and regret it (but come to see I’ve done wrong), or am attacked without sufficient reason, but I calm down and perhaps take a little bite out of the offensive, temporarily unbalanced attacker. Calming down sometimes takes a while. It is very intimate, communicating with someone in writing only, but very easy to be misunderstood. However . . .
For some people, nothing — no evidence works and nothing short of total obeisance and apotheosis is accepted — can convince them they are incorrect about the facts or should be satisfied with the situation. You have handled your dealings with such people well, it sounds. Good luck avoiding them wherever you go, and don’t let the blighters get you down for too long.
Bertie
I’m sorry for the problem you had. I internalize and renumerate(sp). Dwell on it and it hurts. I’m rooting for you.
I have trouble with anger online, especially when I read opposing political opinions. I feel like I *have* to respond to ignorance, but it’s not good for me. Even though I try to be thoughtful and explain my opinion without vitriol, I get all riled up. So I try not to look at comments of news stories and write to my political leaders instead.
There are times I feel irritability rise in me about everything and toward everyone. I get so negative that the world seems *wrong*, and if I feel I’m in the right, watch out. I try not to subject the world to it until it passes, so I end up isolating. Often, I am as irritable with myself as I am with others. I’m working on it.
About Bipolar has been a safe place for me to explore my issues and express myself–I appreciate all you do, Marcia! You’re very compassionate and knowledgeable. Hang in there!
Marcia, I have always enjoyed all your articles and find them very helpful. Just wanted to let you know. The anger issue I still have a hard time with. I’m now 55 and been bipolar for a long time. I have found it easier to just walk away when I can. I also live alone (my choice). I get tired of trying to explain myself to other people. If I’m having a bad day I stay in and shut the phone off. I realize a lot of people don’t have that option. But I think they should stay off internet sites if they’re having a mean day. We can
‘t take things out on undeserving people. And you are certainly an undeserving person. You always try to help people. Thank you again for always being there.
Was blasted by acquaintance in his Letter to the Editor. Simply had stated that local official under investigation deserved his day in court; to determine innocence or guilt. Like we are all entitled under the law. The latino Don, as he calls himself . . . Proceeds to call me uneducated, Latino hater, Don Imus, etc. The editor would not let me counter citeing length of time from letter to my discovery. By Googleing my name, by the way. Responded to writer on his blog and let him know the issue could have been resolved in local coffee shop; where we had *pleasant conversations. Later discovered I was not only Anglo thrown under bus to further Latino causes by this muckracker! Yes, hurt for days!
I am a family member of your community. I grew up(now 77) way too meek and timid. I have now come to my senses and anger is fast to appear when disrespected and poorly treated. Most less intelligent people are not worthy of of our time, so I sit down at the computer and can vent( as I did today)! Thanks you for the help you give to SO Many!!
I anger very easily and wish I had more control over it. My anger issues have lost me friends and relationships in the past, and my current partner tolerates it. That is one of the more negative aspects of my bipolar, apart from the spending. I’ve had to come off my Risperidone after I started to develop breasts. Now I’m only on Lamotrigine. I’ve no idea how this is going to work out.
I wish I could find a way of controlling my episodes, but I can’t. I just feel myself starting to simmer and then I explode.
I’m with you 100% on the copyright issue!
Hi, sorry I haven’t read everyones comment – it’s after 2am here in Oz, but I did want to acknowledge Alison’s poetry as I’m a poet myself. There’s nothing more that I hate than becoming angry when I’m outside my comfort zone – ie – I can immediately put on very loud music and dance around. Quite a few times when out in a social situation I’ve just had to get up and leave – before I regretted it. I’m not particuarly verbal or confrontational, but I just don’t need that s**t to keep me awake all night. I know if I didn’t leave I’d end up in jail overnight for sure, so rather very loud music and dancing alone in my house than that. My anger actually frightens me, it comes on so suddenly and so overwhelming, it’s like I’m out of my body, very scary.
Sorry have to read back on everyones comments. but have a little insomnia happening due to a broken leg. so forgive me for butting in. All I can say is loud music is good !!
Marcia, your articles have always been helpful and filled with useful information. That being said, I’ve learned when someone acts rudely, as in the way you were attacked, which is really a form of bullying, to recognize that they are the one with the problem and not you. Then tell yourself, “life is too short” and let it roll off your back like water off of a ducks back. And remember the only response a person like that deserves is to be ignored. If you can do this then you will be completely liberated and they want be able to touch you. You are in charge of your life and he will be held accountable for his unwarranted attack. You can bet that the person who attacked you is not a happy person and probably feels miserable most of the time. I actually feel sorry for him, you should too. He will end up in bad health, if he refuses to let go of anger and criticism toward others. When you realize what a sad person this is, you will actually feel forgiveness towards him. I hope this helps free you from the hurt you’ve been feeling. There is freedom in forgiveness. Keep up the good work; you bring good to many!!
When something happens out of the blue that is disturbing, I react in different ways. I used to drink over anything “I’ll show them”! But it got too self destructive so I quit & have 15 years sober. I used to smoke at my rage but I quit in 2005. Then my thought process goes: Well, I can’t drink, can’t smoke, so I guess I’ll just kill myself! How sad is that. It sucks having bipolar because my head goes automatically to a very dark place.
I have had to learn other ways to deal with things that upset me:
I usually call my husband when I get into this downward spiral that always involves a disagreement with someone at work. I start crying when I get really angry. My anger comes out as scary rage that is uncontrollable and then I cry. He talks and listens to me & he calms me down so that I can function again and he restores my self esteem. I beat myself up with negative self hate. I call other close loved ones that will do the same for me. They validate my feelings and they remind me that I am a good person and I am loveable.
I relate to the “internalize & brood over it”: It is my modus operandi. In my early 20’s, I could hold on & brood for days. That time has shortened. But some people, every time I think of it, I get angry all over again. I was shown a tool to use for these ultra destructive, mean spirited, cruel people. It sounds irritating but it gives me peace. I have to pray that God blesses them with good health and happiness. I say it through gritting teeth but it helps until I think about it again. Repeat same prayer over & over. Eventually my mind moves on to other stuff.
Being medicated and “stable” for bipolar has helped tremendously to handle this but it is still difficult and I struggle with it.
You are not alone. There are others in the same lifeboat as you are. God Bless.
Hi Marcia,
I’m really sorry that you had to go through this situation, and that the attacks have bled through to this site.
I too have anger issues, and often don’t deal with them well. Something that I have found helpful is talking about it with someone supportive who understands and will listen.
Also, I have found a lot of comfort from journaling these feelings. Writing down the anger, letting it pour forth from my soul in a non-harmful way, helps me to be rid of the internal chaos that it often creates for me. By writing the feelings down, I can sometimes let go of the anger easier. Then I shred or burn (depending on my mood) the pages I have written. This last act is simply symbolic of me completely releasing the anger, and freeing myself from its hold on me.
These are techniques that have helped me in the past, and that I still use. I hope this can be helpful to you as well.
Honestly, I HATE when I feel that anger; however, the obscessive thoughts are much worse. I am fortunate to have a great husband to talk things over with. At times, I have acutally used medication (Clonozepam for me) to get myself off the mental merry-go-round.
Finally, my advice would be to remind yourself that you’ve done nothing wrong to begin with and have done your best to resolve the issue. At the end of the day, all you’ve got left is to LET IT GO. Good luck with that – it’s the hardest part!