To read a discussion in its entirety, please follow the link preceding the quote.
Quotes may have been edited by the Guides for spelling, grammar or clarity.
from Feather
I am extremely sad today. Not for myself, but for those gentle souls who are lost in fear and hate. I spent today reading the posts of those who do self-harm. I cried because I did not understand, and if I do not understand, I can be of no help. They seem to be in such anguish. Saying "I'm here for you" seems like a small puff of wind into the raging fire of Hell. I want to ask, "What have you done that is so bad that you would continuously punish yourself for it?" I believe that this torture is worse than death, and yet I cannot know where the self-hate grew from. I am certain that no one has done anything worse than I have; if I ever decided that self-punishment for all the wrongs I've done would somehow atone for me, I would never stop. The truth is it serves no purpose whatsoever. Can self-love be taught? Can you teach someone to forgive themselves? I believe the only way self-love and self-esteem can be obtained is brick by brick. Each action, each decision must exactly match up with what you value. Values and actions must reflect one another.
If you value beauty, and dress like a slob, it does a job on your self-esteem. If you think dependability is valuable and you call in to work all the time, you are breeding a lack of respect for yourself. If you value kindness and you are inconsiderate and rude to people, you will not like yourself. And I think if you value a body without scars from self-destructive behavior or hold in high esteem via envy those who do not mutilate, then you foster self-hate. Every time a person cuts their body, or burns their body, their action is not matching that which they value, non-mutilating behavior; the self-hate, it seems to me, has entered a negative cycle and is feeding itself. Cut-hate-cut-hate-burn-hate-burn ...
Maybe, just maybe, if when they want to hurt themselves, they make a decision not to ... one situation at a time they will begin to like themselves again, even love themselves. Each and every time an action matches a value, brick by brick, they will build a new person whom they can begin to love again. Seems to me that every time they decided not to cut, they would feel the wonderful self-love that comes from deciding not to. There is nothing on earth more powerful than love. (We already love them just the way they are).
More of this Feature
- Part 1: Personal Experiences
- Part 2: Suggestions for Coping
- Part 3: Words of Encouragement
- Speaking from Experience: Self-Injury - Main Menu
