ELECTROBOY: How did you get the guts to actually publish Dear World? Were you ashamed at all?
PAUL JONES: A couple days after writing the letter - which actually saved my life - I was asked by a friend how I was feeling. Still a little upset that my life had gotten to this point, I e-mailed the letter to him. He e-mailed me back about four hours later and all his e-mail said was "Wow, call me." When I called him he said that he felt that I should get the letter published because he felt that it would help a lot of other people. I discussed it with my wife and several professional people and the rest is history. As far as being ashamed - I'm more ashamed that it took me so long to get help. I'm even more ashamed that I would not discuss my feelings more and let people help me. Last week a girl came up to me after a speech I made at a hospital for a nursing class and she said, "I was getting ready to kill myself and I picked up your book and read it, and it's the reason I am here today." So I guess the decision paid off.
ELECTROBOY: We all know about the stigma of mental illness in our culture, but tell me more about the stigma of suicide?
PAUL JONES: So many people think that it's the weak ones who kill themselves when in fact most people last a very long time with the pain of depression - for many years - before they actually take their lives. It's not that these people are weak, they're just tired of fighting and in most cases they have not reached out for help because they fear what others would think of them.
ELECTROBOY: What kind of support did you get from your family and friends through your illness?
PAUL JONES: Prior to being diagnosed, my support was almost non-existent. My wife is the only person who knew that I was having trouble with depression, but we both had no idea I was really ill. As for the mania, everyone knew me as creative and compulsive, so when I was in a manic mode everyone just thought "that was me being me." Since being diagnosed, I have received support from both family and friends, but at the same time I have noticed that some friends and some family members have distanced themselves from me a bit.
ELECTROBOY: People were shocked when my memoir was published. My family didn't even speak to me. How did people react to the publication of your book?
PAUL JONES: Everyone that read the book was blown away because this is the first they ever knew that there was a problem. I was always the one that was up and happy, and when I was in a depression, I just hid.
ELECTROBOY: Paul, tell me a little bit about your website.
PAUL JONES: Sue Veldkamp, who is one of my best friends in the world, is also a nurse. It turns out that Sue had been building this website for some time because she had an idea that I was bipolar, and she started compiling the information for the site without me knowing. One day she e-mailed me and directed me to the site that she had been building. I was blown away by the amount of information that she had amassed on www.bipolarsurvivor.com I urge you to check it out for yourself.
ELECTROBOY: Do you counsel mentally ill people who are considering suicide? What do you tell them?
PAUL JONES: I answer about one hundred letters a month from the web site. I don't give out any medical advice. What I try to do is take their question or problem and share with them what I have done in the past in the same situation. As you know, most people with this illness share similar experiences. The main thing that I try to get across to people both with and without the illness is that they have to learn as much about the illness as they can. I also try and tell them that they must fight every single day.
ELECTROBOY: What do you tell a patient to do in case of a real "suicide emergency?"
PAUL JONES: Wow, this is a hard one. I can share with you what I said to one person who recently wrote me. The question came to me exactly like this: "Why shouldn't I kill myself today?" I responded by saying, "the reason you shouldn't kill yourself today is because you asked."
ELECTROBOY: Thanks so much for you time, Paul. I look forward to meeting you one day and best of luck with Dear World and with all of your good work.
You can visit Paul at www.bipolarsurvivor.com and Andy Behrman (a.k.a. Electroboy) at www.electroboy.com.
