I am a teacher, and I was diagnosed bipolar during a summer vacation during which I ended up in the hospital. I wanted to think that my boss would be supportive of me, and in that frame of mind, I told her about my disorder about a week after being released from the hospital. As you will see, I am still not sure that this was the right move.
Getting my medications stabilized was difficult, to say the least. The side effects made me shaky, sleepy, lethargic, affected my concentration, and slurred my speech at times. All of this was noticed by my boss, causing her some concerns, as I teach kindergarten. On at least two occasions, she approached my husband about her concerns rather than talking to me. My doctor and I now feel that I am almost to the point where I can be called stable, with each visit requiring less and less tweaking of my medications.
During the first year following my diagnosis, I took three leaves of absence, two of them directly related to bipolar, and one related to a car accident thought to be caused by sleepiness due to meds. I have been hospitalized twice since being diagnosed, and at one point, hospital personnel suggested that the stress of my job might actually be too much for me. They suggested a job change, and I revisit that suggestion periodically.
During this last year, I was put on probation, the first step in removing an experienced teacher. I have had a history of getting difficult-to-handle students, and last year's group was no exception. The humiliation of being put on probation occurred one week after my last hospitalization, and it has been one of the most difficult challenges I have faced thus far in my nearly 20 years of teaching. But it is one that I am facing with determination.
My goal this last summer has been to rest, relax, and restore my confidence in myself as a person. While my confidence is not where I want it, and my meds still need some tweaking, I am in better shape than I have been for a couple of years. And people are noticing it! I have a nice group of children with a couple of challenging youngsters, but my class appears to be easily manageable.
So how am I doing so far? The jury is still out, but I am calmer, more relaxed, and more energetic. I am learning to take each day as it comes, one day at a time. Work has been and continues to be a challenge, but it is one that I am now facing eagerly each day.
