The Man in My Mind

by Gerri (BlkISuzi)

I think that I'm crazy and I may be right. The sounds in my head...they give me a fright.

At first, I hear a simple word. this is going to sound absurd

A man will call me by my name. From then, I know, I'm not the same.

Everyone else runs to and fro. Throughout their days, they smoothly go.

But, oh, not me, I trudge along. I may look sane, yet it's the same old song.

I wake up tired, for I have not slept. Nightmares of yesterday again have I kept.

Long to see no one, yet can't be alone. I jump in my car...I must leave my home.

I race through the day in search of what? I can give no one joy...no joy have I got.

My mind races unhaltered, never to slow. I have to see someone. My mind tells me so.

If in my frenzy, no solace I find, then I'm alone with my thoughts and the man in my mind.

I tell him to leave me just one day in peace. He never will listen, he stays just to tease:

Nobody loves you, how could they? You're nuts! You'll never be happy. You don't have the guts.

Look at you now, you're alone and afraid. Can't you see it's because of mistakes that you've made?

You've lost so many times. You never will win. When you're old and lonely, I'll be your one friend.

You hunt for companions, given up the true one. Turned your back years ago on your sweet little son.

No, I'll never leave you, but others sure will. When you think that you're gaining...I'm right here still.

I'll make certain you're not wanted. Too crazy to fight. You'll have me all day...in your dreams every night.

Each man you fall in love with will NOT take my place. For whenever they kiss you, they'll be touching my face.

They'll only see you, but I'm in your soul. I'll make you so insane, they'll take flight. They must go.

You'll scare away every person for whom you may care. When you are talking I'll always be there.

Don't be so foolish! No drug can relieve! Whatever I wish for is what others perceive.

Only you can hear me, no one else understands. That's what makes you so pitiful....and makes me so grand!

You cannot tell people for fear they will flee. Yes, for the rest of your life it's just you and me.

Oh, I've let you try, and sometimes almost win. But just remember, you'll get nowhere. Here I am again!!!

I can never leave you, and you can't run away. You must live with yourself always, and I'm here to stay.

Gerri is a member of our Bipolar Disorder community, and originally posted this poem on our Forum.