Margie, a member of our forums, shares, “My baby, age eight, is in the state hospital because of self-injury. Why can't I shake that I should've been able to stop this? Maybe it is just part of the grieving, part of the helplessness I feel. I want to make his world better. Lord, I would do anything. I just do not know what. I am so afraid the hospital is going say, ‘Bad Mommy!’” It’s all my fault.”
Margie’s poignant post is typical of parents trying to do the best they can for their children under such difficult circumstances. The fears she expressed here as well as many other fears are shared by moms and dads with bipolar children. In a recent article published in Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Drs. Barbara Mackinaw-Koons and Mary A. Fristad address these issues and how health care providers can help. They write, “Children with bipolar disorder represent a relatively new area of clinical and research focus. As a result, many psychologists find themselves at a loss when treating these children.” Through their experience and research, these clinicians “summarize barriers children and their parents often face when trying to access treatment.”
Feeling Blamed – “Many parents are given the message that their child’s disorder has been caused by their poor parenting practices or by inadequate compliance with a behavior-management program.”
Communication Breakdowns – It is frequently the case that “treatment providers often don’t communicate well with parents.”
Issues with Hypersexuality – It is the unfortunate reality that children who display sexual behavior have often been abused. As a consequence, many practitioners are highly sensitive to this issue. Mackinaw-Koons and Fristad state, “We have numerous examples of parents inappropriately being reported to their local child protective agency and put through emotionally draining, embarrassing, and unwarranted investigations.”
Lack of Knowledge – The recognition of early onset bipolar disorder has only been seen in the last ten years. Therefore, many clinicians are not entirely familiar with this.
These researchers further write, “... not only do parents struggle against their child’s disorder, but they often feel as if they are struggling against their treatment providers as well. We hear repeated stories of providers not working with families, or even more grievously, working against them, in trying to manage this chronic illness.” In response, Mackinaw-Koons and Fristad outlined Dos and Don’ts for those working with these families. As a parent of a child with bipolar disorder, these are valid expectations you can hold for your child’s care provider. If you feel these points are not being handled adequately, open a discussion with the doctor.
Your Child’s Doctor Should:
- Be a Collaborator – Work with You
- Listen
- Be Empathic – Understanding
- Separate the Child from the Symptoms
- Avoid Blame
- Be Willing to Refer
Your Child’s Doctor Should NOT:
- Talk About the Child in Front of the Child
- Blame Parents for Lack of Treatment Success
Reference
Mackinaw-Koons, B. & Fristad, M.A. (2004). Children with bipolar disorder: How to break down barriers and work effectively together. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 35(5), 481–484.
