by Marcia Purse
Recently I posted on Facebook that I didn't understand why my behavior so clearly indicated depression when I did not feel depressed. A friend posted back that maybe I was conditioned to depression.
The proverbial light bulb went on over my head. This is something I've known before, but I'd never expressed it - or heard it expressed - so clearly.
There are degrees of depression - mild, moderate, severe. For me, a severe depression is one where I can't function and usually I sit and agonize about that. In my own experience, I'm not sure I've ever had a mild depression. But moderate depression seems to have become so familiar to me that sometimes I don't even recognize it.
And that's what happened this time. I had good days and bad days, but neither type of day included doing the basic things every homeowner needs to do - paying bills, cleaning the kitchen, bathing, doing laundry. I mean, it got so my kitchen stank, even though all I needed to do was run the garbage disposal. The recycling box was full, and my recycling bin was full so I couldn't empty it, so (unwashed) empty bottles and cat food cans and other things just piled up on the counters - even after the recycling was picked up. Obviously this is depression!
At the same time I was mostly keeping up with my work, I was enjoying playing (too many) computer games, I was able to relax watching television. AND at the same time I had periods of feeling horribly overwhelmed and anxious.
Not until my friend gave me the phrase "conditioned to depression" did it all make sense.
Depression Conditioning
The specific psychological definition of the term "conditioned" has to do with a learned response associated with some stimulus. The classic example is that of scientist Ivan Pavlov's dogs. Pavlov rang a bell (the stimulus) every time he fed the dogs. In time, whenever the bell was run the dogs would drool even though no food was provided.But I'm not using the term "conditioned" so precisely. There's no stimulus. The "conditioning" happens over time, as you become accustomed to the state of depression. It's a bit like brainwashing yourself into believing that this is your normal mental state.
Being conditioned to depression isn't a formal diagnosis. It's a state of mind that therapists and patients may recognize, as my friend and I did.
For someone with bipolar disorder or clinical depression, it's not all that difficult to become conditioned to mild to moderate depression, because you live, or have lived, with it so long that it becomes the norm. It's no different from my itchy scalp - it's annoying, but no shampoo, either over-the-counter or prescription, has entirely eliminated the itch, so I've grown used to it and hardly notice it - I just scratch my head now and then.
On the other hand, my scalp used to be so bad, before prescription shampoo, that it got crusty and when I scratched at it, it would bleed. In mood terms, that would be a severe depression - very noticeable.
My therapist told me that people can become conditioned even to severe depression. He gave the example of a woman who reported depressive symptoms, even though she could go to work and function just fine there. She said she'd had the symptoms for two or three months. With permission, Dr. Marcus asked the woman's husband the same question: how long had she displayed these symptoms? The husband said two or three years.
He said that often it takes something that makes depression worse - even when it's already severe - to make the person realize he or she is depressed.
What About You?
Have you had so much depression in your life that when it's not severe, you don't realize you have it? Maybe you find yourself, like me, neglecting the necessary tasks of life while still enjoying yourself doing hobbies, playing games, watching TV. Perhaps you open a can of food, and instead of rinsing it out and putting it in the garbage or recycling, you leave it on the counter with a mental "I don't care" and never think to ask why you don't care.Determining whether you are conditioned to depression is a matter of contrasting how you feel to what you're doing. If you don't seem to feel too bad, but your behaviors - both what you are doing and what you aren't - are things you recognize as your personal symptoms of depression, then you may well be conditioned. The problem is that the conditioning makes you unmindful of the true meaning of your behaviors. It creates lack of recognition of the depressive signs.
It took me two weeks this time to recognize my behaviors as symptoms of depression, and even then, I was bewildered - even though I've been through this before! So I'm conditioned. Are you?
