Treat me with the respect that I deserve. When I say something is bothering me, don't make light of it and tell me that it is petty, and to move on. When I say that your joking around is not funny to me, even though I may have thought it was the day before, please do not continue ... it only adds to my agitation.
Take me for my word -- there are days I just do not feel like doing anything. Please do not try and force [things] upon me. No means no. Even though I know you may feel that getting me out of the house would be "the best thing for me," I may not feel that way, and it only makes me feel worse when I feel pressured into doing things that, at the time, I do not feel comfortable with.
When I am in one of my isolated phases, please try to take charge of the household. Help out with the kids, take them out to the park and have fun with them...you don't need me to go along to make it a good experience for the rest of you. Let me have the space I need so that I can come to grips with my life without feeling pressure to be/act "normal," because it will make YOU feel better.
Most importantly, love me for me. I cannot help it that I am the way I am. I am trying everything I possibly can to make myself feel better. Please do not think less of me because I may not act like the loving wife that I am "supposed" to be. I do love you dearly, even though at times I may not be able to show you or make you understand that I truly do feel that way.
--by Angel, About.com Bipolar forum member
The Take-Home Message
Angel's examples of respectful behavior build on Nancham's list of loving and supportive ways to help a spouse or family member who has bipolar disorder. In both cases, two things are essential: first, learn about bipolar disorder, and second, learn about how BP affects your loved one in particular.
For Angel, "No means no." For another person in a depressive episode, the "no" might not be as firm, and getting out of the house for a walk, a movie, a shopping trip, might help lighten the depression.
You will often have to learn what works and what doesn't by making mistakes. Learn also to say, "I was wrong," when you do make a mistake. That admission is one of the most loving and respectful things you can say.
