As is not uncommon with bipolar disorder, my manias did not emerge until I was in my early 20s. They were relatively mild, and everyone thought it was a quirk of my personality. Finally as the depressions got worse, I was diagnosed with BPII rapid cycling, mixed states, with depressive delusions and a few autistic characteristics. This happened when I was 35 and trying to get through a divorce and finish up a Master's program, and it changed the course of my life. No PhD for me. But I was glad to finally have a name for my struggles.
The first two years after this episode were very difficult. I probably could have qualified for disability if I had understood more about it. Gradually with the help of medication I became more functional. I eventually taught at the college level, but that was too demanding and I am seeking to create a career in community education.
For spiritual reasons, I have gone off of my meds at various times. I eventually decided to go back on them because it was so hard on my loved ones. They had to pick up all the slack when I couldn't tie my shoelaces together. I am currently stable, but too flat, and am working with my pdoc to adjust my cocktail. I have learned so much about medications from this board, and that I have the right to complain when I am not happy with my quality of life. I have gotten a lot of support to be more assertive with my doctors.
The first time I encountered the board I was in a lot of conflict with my hubby, and when I started reading the posts it suddenly dawned on me that maybe I was the problem. This was very sobering, to say the least. I began to work hard on being responsible for my behavior, even if I did have bipolar disorder.
I love being a member of this community because I can totally be myself here and receive acceptance and understanding. Y'all are my peeps. And I have learned so much.
I love being a hostess in real life, so stewarding the "About Me, About You" folder suits me. I want every bipolar person to receive the many benefits that I have. Newcomers are very welcome here!
I have taken sabbaticals from the board at times when I needed to attend to other things in my life. But I always come back because y'all are such a wonderful group of people. I am honored to be able to serve in the small ways I can.
--Ebeth
