Ray shares, “I first showed symptoms of bipolar disorder, type 1, when I was in my early 20’s and I experienced a major manic episode that lasted for many months. I was not diagnosed until late 2007, though. Once I knew what was going on, I could see so many things looking back over those years that used to baffle me but now they made perfect sense. Knowing that I was dealing with BPI was really empowering to me in that I now had an explanation that made sense out of things that were, before, senseless to me.
“In addition to BP, I also have a moderate Tourettes diagnosis that consists primarily of motor tics but not vocal tics. I first developed that when I was eight years old and was officially diagnosed when I was 21. Finally, I have Adult ADD that I did not have when I was younger.
“Dealing with Tourettes and ADD has not been that much of a challenge. With Tourettes, the most I really had to cope with was being stared at in public, dealing with ignorance and muscle soreness. With ADD, of course, I have trouble with focus, which can cause my performance at work to suffer on many occasions. For this reason, I have been somewhat open with my manager about this.
“My greatest challenge has been with the BPI. I take a light dose of Lamictal and also Wellbutrin XL every morning. I don’t take any other medications. Most days these drugs do help me keep my mood stable. They also keep my mind from racing and seem to keep morbid thinking at bay. Of course, there are still challenging days.
“I am an artist so I had the same concern with medication that I hear echoed from so many people who come to our forum. My concern was that the meds would cause my creativity to suffer and I will not pretend it has not been a challenge for me. I find the underlying themes in my work have changed and much of the time I find my product is not as “deep” as it once was. Nonetheless, art is still a great way for me to vent and just to focus and relax. I may not always have the same kind of statement that I used to, but it has become far more personal than it is a form of communication. Now it is no longer as much about the statement as it is about me.
“I produce many kinds of art but I focus primarily on music and also on digital media. Having a diagnosis of Bipolar, type 1 or 2, can definitely present some challenges to your life but I have learned from experience that it doesn’t have to be the end of who you always felt like you were. I am not simply a bag of symptoms. I have found the good people here at the About.com Bipolar community to be invaluable in my journey. I hope that you will, too!”
