How do you protect yourself?
- Be aware of the red flags listed below.
- Run your relationship past an unafflicted family member or friend for a second opinion. Listen to his or her responses. Tell your online partner up front that you will be doing this. If the online person insists that you keep the relationship a secret, it's a sure bet that there are troubled waters ahead.
- If at any time your instinct tells you that something is wrong ... it probably is. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
- Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags.
- Abusive or controlling behavior: Give and take, tempered by some compromise here and there, indicates that a relationship is healthy. However, if one of the persons involved wants everything on his/her terms, then serious problems can arise. Furthermore, there are those who will become verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive if they do not get their way.
- Argumentative and irritating behavior: Some people are just contrary. They will question much of what you say to them, put their own twist on it, or challenge your every thought. Basically, they are full of themselves and feel that their opinion is the only one that counts.
- Sexual behavior: If your online friend is pressuring you for cybersex, you just might ask yourself the question, "how many others have there been and how many more will there be?"
- Inconsistent behavior: Watch for inconsistencies in information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, job, etc. Keep notes!
- Avoidant behavior: Consistent failure to provide direct answers to direct questions.
- No contact numbers: If you've progressed to telephone contact, and any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of:
- You have to page them for them to call you back.
- They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.
- You can only call during certain periods of time (if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone).
- They will only call you, therefore not allowing you to call them.
- You have to page them for them to call you back.
DO'S AND DON'TS OF INTERNET ROMANCE It's important to remember that online we never really know who we're talking to or what they're real motives are. Until you can internalize that fact, the internet is a dangerous place for you to be spending time.
Next: Safety on the Net
