How out of shape was I?
Well, at the end of the entire fitness test, I - er - threw up. Even the drill sergeant was taken aback. But this happened AFTER I had signed the contract with The Sergeant's Program - and I didn't back out.
I then had three weeks before the next "Boot Camp" was to start. Three weeks to adjust my wakeup time from noon to 5:00 a.m. What I told myself was that making the significant sacrifice of getting up at the ungodly hour of 5:00 would send a powerful message that I am serious about improving my physical fitness and losing weight. I worked toward following the diet guidelines of five small, healthy meals a day - another big adjustment, since I was in the habit of eating just one large meal a day, dinner, and having a bedtime snack - no breakfast, rarely lunch. (I'm now managing three meals a day, anyway.) I also cut Trazodone back to 1/2 tablet, or 25 mg, fearing that 50 would leave me groggy in the morning, and might have been part of the reason I got sick at the evaluation.
At the end of three weeks, I was able to rise with the 5:00 alarm.
Today was the end of the second week of Boot Camp. The program is tough - real tough. I can't keep up with the others, but that isn't the important thing - what's important is that I am getting stronger. And I feel really good about myself for doing what I'm doing.
Was this a hypomanic thing to do? Maybe. I'm feeling pretty good, these days (in spite of sore muscles and joints). But it isn't mania, and it isn't dangerous. Dr. Meyer is not worried - in fact, he is proud of me for making this commitment to my health.
Yesterday I asked him, "Do you still think I am bipolar? If I am, is it BP I? Maybe BP III - antidepressant-induced?" He said at this point the diagnosis is uncertain. I have in the past had one apparent major manic episode (in 1981) and a few hypomanic episodes, some of which appear to have been caused by antidepressants. So mania is possible for me. But unless and until we see definite signs of mania, I don't appear to require a mood stabilizer, especially since I responded so badly to both Depakote and Neurontin last year.
For now, I am doing well.
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