At the end of the first eight weeks of the Seroquel clinical study for bipolar depression, medications are randomized for a second time, and participants may or may not start taking pills containing something different from what they took during the acute phase. Given that I had slept very well (I have a sleep disorder along with BP) during the first eight weeks, it certainly seemed that this had happened in my case. This article is written entirely from my journals, with only minor edits.
11/25/05 (Friday): Busy days, but what hangs over everything is that I can no longer sleep. The cursed pills I'm taking now must be placebos - inactive ones at that. Tuesday night I finally gave up at 1:30 a.m. and took a quarter of a Zyprexa. Wednesday night I went to bed, not terribly sleepy, at 11:45, was still awake at 1:00, saw the clock at 2:00, 4:00 and 5:00, got up in disgust around 7:30, went back to bed around 9:30 and slept for only an hour. Last night I went to bed at 11:30, got up at 12:30 and took 3 Advil and 1/2 Zyprexa, and slept till around 9:00, so I'm not too bad today. Yesterday - Thanksgiving Day - was tough; I had to give myself a lecture about smiling and being nice.
11/27/05 (Sunday): I've ordered a refill on Trazodone. Three-quarters of a Zyprexa didn't work last night. I absolutely don't want to touch Ativan, so I filched a 5 mg Ambien from Mom at 2:45 a.m. Woke at 8:45, had a can of SlimFast, went back to bed at 9:15 and slept till 11:15. This is ridiculous.
11/28/05 (Monday): A 25 mg dose of Trazodone last night was only enough to keep me drifting in and out of sleep all night ... and not mind awfully. Dr. Meyer told me to try to sleep without meds tonight and take an Ambien if I can't. I'm to start taking the study pills in the morning instead of at night.
12/1/05 (Thursday): After two nights of no-meds sleep - drifting in and not, not caring at the time but afterward feeling as if the nights had taken years - I took one of Mom's Ambien last night, and this morning I feel halfway human. I can't say Ambien gave me great sleep. Maybe I need to take 10 mg instead of 5.
12/2/05 (Friday): Well, damn! Even with two Ambien (10 mg), the night seemed to take a long, long time. Involved, derivative dreams. My mind is drumming buh buh BUH BUH buh buh BUH BUH. I'm very uncomfortable. Twitchy. The muddy raccoon footprints on the sunroom door are intolerable. My mind is racing. I've got to read something, distract myself from my physical tautness.
12/3/05 (Saturday): I found out yesterday that I have Paget's Disease. It causes bones to grow and break down incorrectly. They found it in the MRI of my knee. This could be the reason for my back pain - I don't understand it all but it's not terribly dangerous. Going to have a bunch more tests and then probably start taking Fosamax.
12/5/05 (Monday): It was a horrible weekend. My thoughts are slow and inarticulate. Can't I burst out of this cocoon?
12/7/05 (Tuesday): I'm officially out of the study and will start taking open-label Seroquel tonight. Long, long exit interview and final blood tests this morning.
12/8/05 (Wednesday): There's no doubt at all that I've been taking sawdust (as Dr. Meyer put it) for the last four weeks. Last night I took 50 mg of Seroquel at 9:40, turned out the light at 10:30, and I think I was asleep within ten minutes. And I stayed asleep. I SLEPT!
