July 26, 2006:
I've just put Mom to bed, and I will need to go to bed soon. My medications and my body want me to sleep 9-10 hours, but it's 10:00 and Mom will probably wake me up at 6:30 again.
Mom's cardiologist seems to be astounded that she is doing so well after six surgeries - colostomy, arterial bypass, toe amputations, failed operation to fix the colostomy when it prolapsed, heart valve balloon surgery, and colon resection closing the colostomy. Dr. Burke, the abdominal surgeon, says she has "good protoplasm."
My brothers are worried that I am going to be overwhelmed, but so far the only major problem is that yesterday our refrigerator died. Even then I was smart enough to ask the Peapod delivery man to leave me the cold boxes from my order, and later realized I could rent a pint-sized fridge to carry us through until we can get the old one replaced. This morning I made a list of all the errands I had to run and made 7 stops in 75 minutes, leaving Mom home alone for the first time. "I'm a big girl," she said.
She has a Wound Vac attached to the place where the colostomy used to be. This is a machine that constantly drains the open sore and encourages it to heal from the inside. Although it's portable, it's fairly heavy, so we have the unit hanging from her walker.
Jenny the visiting nurse comes three times a week to change the dressing and check her blood thinner level. Dee the physical therapist comes twice a week. Every day I make Mom the same breakfast and lunch, and we have simple dinners - frozen entrees, mostly. Mom has a very hard time remembering what day it is, complaining of deja vu all the time. Considering that her days are almost identical, this is hardly surprising.
I'm doing fine - I even learned to give her shots!
August 7, 2006:
No more shots. The Wound-Vac was discontinued as of last Friday, and she rarely uses the walker. I change the dressing twice a day, and once a day put an antibiotic and a band-aid on her right big toe - the last of the embolism sores - which the foot doctor says is healing beautifully. I made it to work for a couple of hours three days last week, plus I'm able to work from home.
My mood is - well, it's pretty good, but I realize I'm showing behaviors that signal hypomania, stability AND depression, which is kind of weird ...
Hypomania:
- I suddenly started wearing earrings to work all the time, and I ordered a bunch of new jewelry recently.
- I've ordered three new purses and five new pairs of shoes.
- I've ordered a bunch of new clothes - not all of them sensible buys.
- I bought a bunch of DVDs I may never watch and three solar garden lights I still haven't put outside.
- I bought new sheets I didn't really need and several books, most of which I'm glad I got.
- I've been intensely focused on computer work - have corrected ALL the broken links in one of my personal websites, made a large number of new graphics for my free graphics site, and am caught up with several other projects, some of which have been hanging around for literally years.
- Using micro-lists, I'm making progress on the clutter in the office. In case you're wondering, a micro-list is one where every small task is a separate item - i.e., instead of "clean off desk," the list reads, "1. Put paper clips away. 2. Put pens away. 3. Recycle open envelope" (etc.).
- Except for the rooms that are out-of-control cluttered, I'm staying current with housework. The dishwasher gets filled, run and emptied every day. The garbage gets put out when the containers are full, rather than waiting until Wednesday evening (pickup is early Thursday) and then having to haul overflowing wastebaskets and recycle bins outside.
- I'm not losing my temper with Mom.
- I'm not feeling overwhelmed.
- I'm having trouble making simple phone calls again. Why the heck does it make me anxious to think about calling the vet to ask if the cats are due for shots?
- I'm chain-smoking.
- I'm having bad dreams.
- It took me almost two weeks to make up my mind to order the new refrigerator ... and even then, I did it over the internet instead of ordering by phone.
Overall? I have to be pleased. I'm keeping on top of the important things. Mom is doing well, though she has her bad days (today is one of them). I'll be even more pleased if I manage to dig into the boxes upon boxes of stuff to be filed and make progress there. Hmmm ...
Oh I almost forgot - I've gained 18 pounds this year. In high school they called me "Twiggy." In college I was 5'10" and weighed 120. Now I'm 5'8" and weigh 198, and I have no self-discipline about eating.
SIGH.
