What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
This was my first episode but I wasn't diagnosed then. I was in grade 10. I couldn't sleep very well, I had delusions: colors had different meanings like, blue was good and purple was bad, later saw colors on different people's faces, making them either good or bad people. I thought there was gonna be a major battle in the spiritual realm anytime soon. I was very disorganised, studied for the wrong exams. Had all these wonderful and creative ideas and was very talkative. I was also very irritated. Landed up in hospital but all they could pick up then was that I was depressed and sadly it stopped at that.
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
I was feeling in the dumps for a while, as I normally keep to myself, people in general did not pick it up. I did not see any meaning to life, I did not have the will to do anything, I didn't want to leave the house or meet new people. I sometimes thought what would be the best way to commit suicide (I never got to trying it).
My sister and an aunt who knows me very well suggested that I go see a psychiatrist as they suspected that something was wrong, which I did. After going into my history and asking about more recent events, the doctor made the diagnosis. He said that I had bipolar 2 disorder.
I did not believe him and went for a second opinion, I did not tell the 2nd doc anything but she confirmed it.
My family history: My grandmother on my mom's side had schizophrenia and my mom herself had schizo-affective disorder, major depression. (Weird, going from schizo to bipolar in 3 generations!!)
What happened before me being so depressed: I was under a lot of pressure at work and had some family trouble, my mother appeared in our lives after about 12 years and we all of a sudden had to deal with this person that we didn't know anymore. I was also involved in counseling and took on too much responsibility. Somewhere during all of this I started having a manic episode (it was all in a haze as a lot of stuff happened at the same time).
I got by with about 5 hours sleep a night, I was irritable, someone had to just look at me the wrong way and he would get it (verbally). I would go from feeling depressed to being super happy in a few moments. I couldn't focus at work, I had these bright ideas and solved problems in my head while I should have been working. I went out at night and had unsafe sex, I just couldn't control it. I would also spend money unwisely.
Different experiences in my life caused different episodes.
Sometimes it was stress.
Other times it would be a good or bad experience, something that would upset me.
Like when my sister was first diagnosed with depression and then with bipolar 2 disorder.
I had an experience during my military training, I became delusional.
It was something as small as having a birthday once.
I was going to meet some of my girlfriend and family that I didn't know after being separated from her for a while another time.
The severity of the manic episodes differed a lot.
Lessons Learned
- I would have had a more normal life.
- I nearly lost my job once.
- I would not have hurt people, and the funny thing is that you just cannot stop it, you stay irritable and know you shouldn't say anything but you do.
- Now I know to not to tackle too many things at once.
- I stay away from unnecessary stressful situations.
- I have a fixed sleeping pattern.
- There are other stuff but I mainly focus on the above 3 points.
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
I agree. Medication does not take it away. It only keeps the episodes in check, I can sometimes recognize the signs of a would be manic or a depressive episode after it happened.
Additional Thoughts
I lost all self respect after doing all that stuff when I was manic and that is something I have to actively work on to change.
This is often overlooked, people with bipolar disorder needs help in this area of their lives as well.
Thanks for all your help and support people!!
