What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
Depression: I was very sad and weak. The simplest things took all my energy and were such an effort. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Ignored the phone and avoided friends. I am normally a very social and talkative person.
Hypomania: Instead of a 40ish married mom, I was like a Girls Gone Wild college party girl. Drinking, partying, horny all the time. Trolling the internet meeting several men. General reckless behaviour.
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
I went to the doctor about the depression. I thought maybe it was some kind of iron problem.. or.. I didn't know what. I just knew there was something wrong. I told him my symptoms (not the manic ones, I hadn't even clued in to that yet). He told me I had depression, and put me on the first medication. Then the 2nd, the 3rd... I think we probably tried about 4 or 5 before he said he didn't know what else to do so he sent me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said, "Well, it's one of two things. Either we just haven't tried the right medication long enough or strong enough, or you are bipolar" .. In my mind I'm thinking: "Pfft Yeah right! Bipolar?! that's crazy people!" But when I went home that day I did a little research and ... started thinking of my wild antics off and on in the years prior, and a few other episodes even while I was trying the ineffective anti-depressants.. the more I thought about it, I thought, "Wow. I'm a textbook case of Bipolar II."
Lessons Learned
- I thought when I was partying all the time, that I was having some kind of mid-life crisis or something. (Some men buy a sports car don't they?) I wish I'd have recognized it and seen a doctor, as at that time I fell for another guy (who I had a brief affair with) subsequently totally falling out of any kind of emotional intimacy with my husband, that never did come back.. even though it's now 9 years later, I could never "get it back" with my husband. (And no, he does not know about the affair or the other crazy antics.)
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
Diagnosed as Bipolar II. Finally I have the right meds at the right balance. Occasionally I feel fluctuations in my thought patterns and moods, but I recognize them when they happen.
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
Absolutely. I can clearly feel the ups and downs.
Additional Thoughts
I still have occasions where I feel antsy/anxious, or my brain is moving too fast. Or the opposite, where something that should make me a little angry will absolutely infuriate me, then I spend the next several hours crying. But I recognize it, and ride it out, knowing it will pass.
