What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
Delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, mood swings, extreme irritability, suicidal thoughts and attempts, sensitivity to weather/temperature, intolerance of smoke, insomnia - some/most due to diet pills I was taking + my thyroid condition.
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
I was trying to get out of a four-year relationship I had perceived myself to be stagnating in and I had just met this new guy who was courting me. I was also taking diet pills and working insane hours as a professional singer and managing director of a small entertainment company. I was hardly sleeping and eating at all.
Back in Grade School I was already staying up late hours just to study and maintain high grades. This continued on throughout High School up until I was sectioned in the Honor's class which was the Math and Science section. I'd always felt inferior in Math and being in the Honor's class made me feel even more inferior and this caused my withdrawal from the honor roll. Because of my feelings of worthlessness, I was refusing to go to College and experienced feeling suicidal. I actually had several suicide attempts, one of which landed me in the ICU. Experiencing flatlines and receiving the support of family and so many friends 1.) made me realize that life is a gift and 2.) helped me recover emotionally and physically, so I was able to get to and through College quite alright up until I met the boyfriend who inspired me so much that I was juggling school and work so well and maintaining really good grades, too, but who also introduced me to the diet pills which I think triggered the above mentioned hallucinations and paranoia.
Since Grade School and up to now, I've also been battling with anorexia and bulimia. Food - restriction and bingeing and purging are my drugs.
Four years taking the pills led to my sleeping just two to four hours in a day and surviving on a measly one to two meals a day. I was dehydrated a lot and then was hyperventilating and experienced near collapsing every time I would find myself in stressful situations.
There were also many times that I'd feel as if people were talking about me or criticizing me. Several times I confronted those who I thought were talking about me and my current boyfriend would have to do what he could to keep the peace.
One night, I was hallucinating that Lucifer was in my house and I had to absorb his spirit and remove myself from my house and cast him out of my body. My boyfriend and my parents then sent me to the ER of a hospital and it was then that I was diagnosed as bipolar. My second psychiatrist said I was bipolar and that I also was depressed.
Lessons Learned
- I wish I had seen a psychiatrist during the times I was depressed about my inability to make it to the honor roll.
- My first psychiatrist said my being bipolar was just a phase, but reading the stories has made me aware that this might be actually something I'll have to deal with forever.
- Forgive yourself. Each day is a new day to start over.
- There are no quick fixes to weight loss and these mood swings.
- Family and friends are great support systems.
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
Bipolar
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
Yes. Textbook definitions.
Additional Thoughts
I wanna be well already. All over. I also wanna shed the 30+ lbs I've gained since stopping the diet pills, taking anti-psychotic meds, and overeating to numb myself.
