What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
Since I can remember, I have always had bouts of depression and rage. I would go through periods where I was on top of the world. I was going to save the world! I was very confident and took on many tasks that I didn't complete. Then I would get very depressed. I would cry all the time and just sit and stare - and I didn't know why. I wanted to disappear.
Through my college years, I was a wreck. I sought counseling - but basically they told me that it was "normal" college stress and I would get over it.
I knew something was wrong - I just didn't know what. Mania came - spending money, risky behavior, more therapy.
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
After I had my 2nd child, my moods started fluctuating. I would be really depressed and then really high on life. I was very irritable ALL the time. I went to my GYN and she thought it was PMDD and prescribed me Prozac. I went into a major depression, so she put me on Wellbutrin. That made it even worse. Finally, after sitting in my GP's office bawling, she referred me to a psychiatrist with the suspicion of BP.
That led me to being diagnosed, which then started a constant trial and error of meds. Some made me gain weight. Some made me break out. Some made me lose my hair. It was a horrible time.
Lessons Learned
- I think I learned that I know myself better than anyone. I knew something was wrong - but through the years I listened to others telling me I was just being a jerk; snap out of it; you have everything - why are you sad?; calm down, you're off the wall; get over yourself. I should have pushed harder to find an answer - but to me, I thought I was just a weird person. I was never as good as anyone else.
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
BP I, Anxiety, ADD
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
Yes. I'm a textbook example of all of the above.
Additional Thoughts
I'm 45 years old and I've been diagnosed for 10 years and I still have "friends" that tell me to "get over myself" or "snap out of it." I've seen "friends'" true colors when the rubber meets the road - and I'm now very cautious of people.
