What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
I was on a euphoric high from a manic episode and married my second husband after meeting him in one week. We then moved from Georgia to Oklahoma away from all the family and friends I had ever known. I would go into manic rages and to make myself feel better I would go on manic shopping sprees. I nearly bankrupted us. I would go into rages and tell him to leave and then attack him when he tried to walk out. The week before I had my 2nd child I enrolled in college full time, online classes so I wouldn't miss a class - and I didn't. I also went back to work 2 weeks after I had her. Impossible tasks!!!
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
When I married my husband we moved to Oklahoma because he was in the Army. I Immediately started having problems. I went to the Army hospital & saw a psychiatrist, he said I had anxiety because of the move. He put me on Xanax, which I refused to take, & Effexor, which I did take, it helped but didn't fix the problem. My husband had a daughter but it wasn't until a 1 1/2 years later until I met her. When I met her I was told she was Bipolar. This term was new to me. Me being the educated person I was I wanted to learn all I could about it. I did research on the internet & found a world of information. What I found hit home for me, the more I read, the more it sounded like what I was feeling but I couldn't come to terms with it. Not me, I DID NOT have a mental disorder. I went to a psychiatrist & he told me he thought I was bipolar. He gave me some medication & although I didn't agree with his diagnosis I took the medicine. Of course, the first try of medication didn't work for me and I took this to mean that the doctor had gotten the diagnosis wrong, I quit taking the medicine and I didn't go back. I just kept getting worse though. I was so miserable. I had left my husband. My life was in shambles. I was still going into rages except now I was going off on my family, my mom & my kids, my brother & at family get togethers. It was getting noticeable & out of hand. I was also in a bad depression after leaving my husband. I was talking to a friend one night who happened to work at a local psychiatric hospital & I told her about the psychiatrist I had once visited & that he had told me that he thought I was bipolar. She said simply, "I can see that." Those simple words rang so true to me coming from someone who knew me so well. I talked to another friend who recommended her psychiatrist & I went to see him. He confirmed my diagnosis.
Lessons Learned
- I learned to depend on friends and family more & be open and honest with them about what is going on with me. I also learned to listen to them when they try to tell me something. Even before I was diagnosed, when I was having manic episodes, like when I married my husband after only knowing him a week, my friends and family tried to tell me something was wrong, that I wasn't thinking right, but I wouldn't listen. I have learned to listen to my mom. She knows when I am having an episode even when I don't.
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
Bipolar, with anxiety and severe depression. My 8 year old daughter was diagnosed bipolar with hallucinations last year. I feel responsible for this, like it's my fault. She suffers so much. We have just now found the right combination of meds for her. She has a long road ahead.
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
Yes. Because I have seen the effects of not being on medication and what I am like uncontrolled. It is not a pretty sight.
Additional Thoughts
If you are Bipolar, get help. Do not self medicate. I think we all try it. It doesn't help, it doesn't work. I tried it for years. I was miserable.
