What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
My first symptom was a major depression at age 23. I was put on Elavil. It helped my insomnia and depression, but also made me gain 40 pounds. I would have severe major breakthrough depression twice a year, alternating with with manic behavior - mainly in the area of spending. I went bankrupt twice.
I didn't know then that I had bipolar. I was treated for years for only depression. At age 48 I was placed on Wellbutrin, which made me go into a severe manic episode which made me hear voices. I thought I was going insane. It took over 28 years before I was finally diagnosed and placed on Lamictal. Can't take antidepressants.
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
There were many events that happened which should have led to an earlier diagnosis. I am angry, but have learned to let go of that anger, that I was misdiagnosed with depression for years and not placed on a mood stabilizer sooner. Bipolar, left untreated, gets worse as we age. My sister, a nurse, would often say to me, "I think you're bipolar." I didn't even know at the time what that meant. I would alternate from deathly depressions, to hypomania which made me do stupid things like spend money I didn't have, get paranoid and obsessed, and also self-medicate with alcohol.
Finally, put on the activating Wellbutrin, I went totally off the wall. I heard evil voices, I had racing thoughts in my head of mathematical equations (I hate math), and if I shut my eyes I would also see horrible images and scary faces. While manic, I bought a car and a pebble hit the windshield which set me off into paranoia. I believed the car was evil and possessed. So 2 weeks later I traded it in for another new one and lost 6 grand in the process.
I would sloppily paint the interior of my house, hate the color and then paint over it, again and again. I would stay up all night painting. I didn't need sleep. It was as if I was being driven by an engine. My eyes would bug out. I would get obsessed with things such as believing my hair was ugly and start cutting it off and dying it weird colors. Also, while manic, I would look in the mirror and see my face age before my eyes into an old lady. I knew I was insane.
Finally, after I couldn't take the voices, I went to a shrink who diagnosed me within minutes and put me on Seroquel, Zyprexa and Lithium. I gained a lot of weight and could not tolerate the sedation. I was then placed on Lamictal which did not cause me to gain weight. It has helped with the major depressions, but I still have daily low grade depression and lack of motivation. But I cannot take antidepressants. A lot of bipolars are unable to tolerate them.
Lessons Learned
- Seldom is bipolar immediately the first diagnosis.
- Bipolars generally finally see a doctor because of depression, not hypomania or mania.
- Many bipolars self-medicate for years with alcohol to control manic symptoms, or to drown out feelings of anxiety and depression.
- Looking back, I was totally unaware I was bipolar. I thought I was only depressed. I sadly had a series of about ten shrinks over the years, none of whom correctly diagnosed me.
- Now, if I get racing thoughts that cannot be controlled, I know I need to have my mood stabilizer adjusted.
- If I obsess painting or shopping I see it as a warning.
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
Bipolar #1, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, dysthymia, insomnia, agoraphobia, alcoholism, depersonalization, panic disorder and others
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
Yes
Additional Thoughts
If you find you still self-medicate, as I did, get help. I currently go to AA meetings 5 days a week after drinking heavily for the past 8 years. Accept your diagnosis and know you are not alone. Find the right doctor and get on meds that make you feel like you aren't on meds.
Marcia Purse, Bipolar Disorder Guide, says:
This kind of story is all too common. As the writer says, depression is more likely to send people to psychiatrists than hypomania or mania. Family members and friends who see symptoms indicating that depression isn't the only thing going on can help by being as proactive as possible to get a person like this to seek a proper diagnosis - including reporting all symptoms to his or her doctor.
It's also very important to understand that antidepressants can, indeed, trigger mania or hypomania. Monitoring mood after starting antidepressant therapy is critical. If the doctor does not require follow-up, watch yourself or your friend/loved one carefully in the weeks and months that follow.
