Talk about yourself
I have had bipolar disorder forever I think. But no one noticed until my dad was murdered in front of my mom, sister and I, when I was 10. That was only the start, but there were a lot of things that contributed to the severity of it, within my environment.
How Did Other Children Mistreat You?
As a child I was always angry and looking for a fight with my sister. I would try to hurt her bad when I got mad. People didn't like to play with me much. My cousins would purposely play with my sister and not me, sometimes. As I got older my best friend started hanging out with my sister more. Well my best friend died at 17 of pregnancy complications, and my new best friend has now become my sisters' best friend because I went a little crazy in high school. When I went crazy I shoved people into lockers, I got into fights with my sister all the time, threatening to kill her. I broke my best friend's rib when she wanted to wrestle and she never hated me for it. Like I said she is best friends with my sister now, and I don't care because she repeatedly hurt me when my mental illness was discovered. People always picked on me, talked about me in whispers with me right there and then laughing and pointing at me. It seems I was always humiliated. And the thing was I couldn't do anything to make them like me. My mom still to this day bullies me and picks on me. She always tries to find something to be mean to me about.
Lessons Learned
- I've learned to surround myself with friends and family that care and don't mistreat me. That is the only way to make myself comfortable, and I no longer see myself as having problems. I am just another person, who is just different. And we are all different. Isn't that a better way to look at it?
Do you think bipolar disorder helped make you a victim?
I think bipolar disorder helped make me a victim because if I wasn't so insecure I would of been able to handle things better. Instead of holding it all in and then blowing up, also I wouldn't have put myself in certain situations.
Did being bullied damage your self-esteem?
My self esteem has always been affected by bullies. My mom is a bully, and I love her so I won't completely cut myself from her. But for a week before and a week after a known visit anxiety kicks in and I get severely depressed.
Do you still have "victim" characteristics as an adult?
I'm not sure I consider myself a victim anymore. I am a strong person now, a lot stronger than most people I know. I think what has happened to me made me so strong. I made the choice to get some callous.
