Talk about yourself
I wasn't diagnosed with Bipolar disorder until I was 17 (I have only just turned 18) but after hours of looking back over my life I realised I have always suffered with it. Through out school I was bullied because of my up and down mood that no one including myself could understand. I was called sensitive by teachers and cry baby by other children. I was always a "natural" victim for bullies because of my clear unstable emotional state. It's what I was bullied for all my life.
How Did Other Children Mistreat You?
When I was in primary school between the ages of 9 and 11 I was called cry baby by most of the students. When I left and went to high school I was bullied by boys and girls of a higher social standing. The boys would call me names whilst the girls would sit around and laugh at me. I even had one class tease and taunt me until I cried, and when I finally started crying they all folded their arms around their head and started pretend crying putting their heads down on the table, which is what I did when I cried. I'd cover my face with my arms and put my head down on the table. It was humiliating when they did this to me. I ended up changing schools because I was bullied by two teachers. One female teacher who was an old teacher used to say I bought the trouble to myself by the way I reacted because if I didn't cry I'd storm out of the classroom kicking a chair on my way. The other teacher a male who was pretty young defended the boys and always found a way to make it my fault provoking me to get me to react. I ended up changing school during my first GCSE year. When I changed school things still weren't fantastic. Some of the boys still taunted me and some of the girls would tease me when I would get upset. However because of the size of the school (It's one of the largest schools in our area with around 200 children per school year so about 1000-1500 in the school). I left school with pretty good GCSE results and went to college to study performing arts dance. It was there I learnt about bipolar disorder and then got diagnosed a year or so later. Since being diagnosed two of my closest friends have discriminated against me due to the fact of me having bipolar disorder, causing lots of depression and even a suicide attempt. At the moment I am still in college and this is recent events, now the two friends are trying to get me thrown off my college course causing me to be constantly depressed, angry and frustrated meaning I am arguing with those who are stood by me supporting me.
Lessons Learned
- Being bullied has made me the person I am today. From the little girl teased in the play ground to still be fighting bullies at 18. Marilyn Monroe once said "... if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." And this is something I have lived by since my diagnosis with bipolar disorder. I have said something similar on numerous occasions only finding out recently that Marilyn Monroe said this. I am a strong character because of all the bullying so instead of hating those who once caused me pain, I thank them for helping me grow up to be a mature and strong young adult.
Do you think bipolar disorder helped make you a victim?
Bipolar is the reason I am still being bullied today but the difference between now and when I was a child is the diagnosis. I didn't know what bipolar disorder was at the age of 12, if I did would it have prevented the bullying? No, because others wouldn't understand.
Did being bullied damage your self-esteem?
Being bullied at school damaged my self-esteem, it lead me to just put my hair in a pony tail and never wear make up. The opposite of everyone else. I believed I was ugly and make up would have made me uglier.
Anything more you want to say?
If you are being bullied then the best option is to speak out. I did and it helped in some ways and in other ways it made it worse but I rather have the bullying go worse after me speaking out, rather than it get worse without speaking out.
