Talk about yourself
As a child and during my early school years, I was fairly withdrawn and shy. I was a middle kid of six kids and from first grade, grade school and into my first year at Jr. High I was picked on by a number of bullies both verbally and physically. I had not been diagnosed with any disorders other than Dyslexia and I was definitely made fun of not only by other kids at school, but also by some teachers. One teacher that I can remember in second grade always made fun of me in class for being slower than other children and would often take it upon herself to single me out and call me names.
How Did Other Children Mistreat You?
Up until second grade when we moved and I was placed in a class with a teacher who singled me out as a slow person, I was seldom picked on or bullied. However, after being victimized by this teacher by being made fun of, called a "ninny," and having my ear pulled in front of our entire class room on an almost daily basis, other children took it upon themselves after seeing the way the teacher treated me, that to tease me and bully me in front of her was a way of gaining her approval. I has miserable and was too ashamed and afraid to tell my mother and father as I was sure it was all my fault and that I would certainly be beaten by my father. The teacher had convinced me and my young classmates that something was wrong with me and that I had learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned
- The bullying by my classmates and teacher affected me in many ways. I was a kind, considerate, and gentle young boy that took several beatings and mental abuse. That caused me to want to protect myself and so I started by building a protective shell around myself so that I could survive at school. I did not speak back when being picked on and remained silent. I had many fights my first years at the Junior High school that I attended during seventh grade and then wrote to my grandfather a Colonel in the Air Force to send me to Military School as I wanted to learn to defend myself and my little brother and sister.
Do you think bipolar disorder helped make you a victim?
I was not yet diagnosed with Bipolar as a child, but definitely had some problem that warranted my seeing a special child psychologist and attend one of his summer camps, which I was kicked out of for some reason never explained to me.
Did being bullied damage your self-esteem?
I believe that being bullied by my second grade teacher was mostly to blame for damaging my self esteem. As I grew from a child and into an adult and then to become diagnosed with Bipolar in my early thirties, I became aware that my self esteem was something that I would need to work on myself.
Do you still have "victim" characteristics as an adult?
I still today have many victim characteristics and believe that many people don't have to try, but have been conditioned by society to be basically mean to others in order to hide some character flaws that they don't want other to know about.
Anything more you want to say?
There is always hope. I believe most people are good and kind. However, since I have Bipolar I know that I need to watch out for my own beliefs and really my reactions to people who just seem to go about their day looking for ways to hurt people with unkindness. I now let the proud walk before me.
