Are You, Or Would You Have Been, the Mother or Father?
I am a mother of 2 children...a daughter 21 and a son 16.
When I had my daughter I ended up totally psychotic and was hospitalised for more than 5 weeks. I was on lithium for one year, cared for my daughter on my own and resumed working 3 days a week. When I became pregnant with my son I sought out the psychiatrist I'd had 5 years earlier for his advice. I was linked to a specialist hospital for the duration of the pregnancy, and when I started to become ill again, the situation was very quickly dealt with and I avoided another hospitalisation. I was formally diagnosed with BP 1 when my children were 12 and 7.
How I Made My Decision, And What I Decided
As I had no idea when I fell pregnant the first time, there was no decision making. When I became pregnant the second time, despite the terrible trauma, I was positive about a better outcome even though the risk of a repeat post-natal psychosis was very high. This time I ceased work early and kept regular appointments at the hospital.
What I'd Do Differently
- I absolutely have no regrets about my decision to have children.
- When my daughter was born in 1988 I very much regret that I was not hospitalised in a mother/baby unit.
- I am NOT a "bipolar" - I AM a wife, mother, sister, friend, worker, etc., who also has bipolar disorder.
- My children are well aware of my illness and have developed a great understanding and feel no shame about mental illness - which is very important in destroying stigma.
- They are both aware of the possibility of developing a mental illness themselves, and I do sometimes worry about the day when my daughter may decide to have children.
Did the decision affect your relationship?
I separated from my husband early in the first pregnancy but was still married to him and had an on/off sexual relationship with him when I fell pregnant the second time. So, effectively I was a sole parent the entire time, through both pregnancies and births.
If you had a child, does he/she have bipolar disorder?
Neither has developed bipolar.
If you had a child, does he/she have another disorder?
My daughter does have a personality disorder and also suffers anxiety.
Do you have any advice for people facing this decision?
Educate yourself, take responsibility, find a psychiatrist you trust (hard to find a good one), be brave, be sensible, and believe that a mental illness is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. I have no regrets at all. My grandmother and mother both had bipolar 1.
