Basic description of my rapid cycling bipolar disorder:
I would have to go with the Ultradian. My moods shifted from hysterical laughing to horrible sobbing---within 30 seconds of each other. The first time happened when I was first married. Talk about EXTREMES. My new husband was panicking when he saw what I was doing and called his mother.
He was nervous and asked his mom, "Mom what do I do?" I guess he wondered if this was a part of marriage. NOT!
Since I've been on meds (a short 20 years later) I haven't gone through this. He divorced me and I have always wondered that if I would have been diagnosed and on meds maybe we'd still be married. He was always scared.
More details about my rapid cycling:
In retrospect I can see evidence of my Bipolar and Schizoaffective disorder as a pre-teen. Deluded thinking and such, which I still have and am awaiting getting a new counselor in the town I just moved to. I simply don't think like anyone else and talk too much (I tell people I don't have my "shut up pills" for ADD yet).
As far a work and socially, I always said I was like Forrest Gump's box of chocolate in that everyone never knew what they were going to get with me. I have no patience and while I'm pleasant and crack jokes, deep down, that is all a front. I brood and try too hard to get people to like me, while the deluded thinking makes me think that they are all trying to get away from me and don't want to include me.
Lessons Learned
- I need constant counseling to sort out my disordered and delusional thinking and fears
- I need to enjoy being around people, not just want to be with a dog. I need to trust people and not just keep up a front.
- My moods cycle several times per day. Happy, scared, depressed and in tears, then back to happy. I hide my crying from my parents. I had to leave my dog with a foster mother when I moved here and I cry whenever I think of him. I think he misses me and wonders where I've gone. I feel guilty. Have I done the right thing?
- I don't want to leave the house, go to town, etc. would like to sleep on the deck.
More I want to share about rapid cycling:
Talk yourself through it. When on a high, pray and ask God to help you calm down. When depressed, watch a funny movie and force yourself leave the house. My new behavioral clinic has activities for all of its mental health patients. Next Wednesday is a swimming party. I am looking forward to going.
My cycles' severity is:
Too much for me to deal with on my own. I hope I get set up with a counselor and psychiatrist soon. I really need to talk to someone. I can't handle this move and my thinking by myself.
Over time, my rapid cycling is getting:
Better with medicine.
Rapid cycling has kept me from:
Working well with people.
Along with Bipolar, it has kept me from saving my marriage. I feel sorry for my ex-husband. He is remarried to a lovely woman who is normal and he deserves that.
