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My brother - the ultimate in toxicity

Share Your Story: Toxicity in Yourself or Others

By Lidial

Updated March 07, 2011

Who is/are the toxic people in your life? Or is it you?

My parents and brother are highly toxic.

Your diagnosis or that of the toxic person is:

My dad and mother are old and dad has narcissistic personality disorder and mom is a codependent. Neither can reason at this point. My brother is the mastermind of the dysfunctional clan, always managing to "borrow" money from dad, while the elders lived in poverty.

Describe the toxic behavior:

In 2007 my dad was thrown out of his own home, at 84 after my brother conned him into signing over the house to him four years back, when dad had fallen off the roof and was ill. He expected dad to move in with mom in a new house he bought, but dad wanted to stay until the house sold. Rather than reason with the old man, brother punched out all the walls and scared him and tried to have him jailed for trespassing. Terrified dad called me after two years of not talking to him because my brother told them I hated them and brother has tampered with phones to prevent me contacting them.

What's the effect of this toxic behavior?

My dad lost his home and moved in with me, and my brother locked him out. That was dad's home, of which my brother took all and not only that, dad had hidden gold for a rainy day, at least a 100,000 and brother took it all and stole it. I had to pay $10,000 to a lawyer out of pocket to sue brother into giving the house back or at least make an agreement. They promised to give half to dad, but toward the end, I was paying dad's rent and brother shows up, tells him I hate him, lies to the old man, takes him (after throwing him out) and now I don't hear anymore from my parents. My brother sells the house a couple of years later for half a million, keeps the 100,000 worth of gold and buys dad a condo for 56,000 and keeps him under close watch via the Internet. He then sends me a letter that everything was my fault, even though dad actually called me and came to my home and I will pay by going to hell for suing him! My mother lives alone in a house my brother bought and dad in a condo. That leaves brother with $300,000 in cash with which he buys a sailboat now proudly displayed on his Facebook entry. He threatened my parents that if they call me, they will be ousted as he owns their homes and controls their cash. My brother had abandoned twin daughters at a cousin's in Argentina years ago. He promised the girls to return for them, and did return at age eight, but then left. Shortly after that, he remarried, and had four other children. When one of the girls returned to him at age 13, hoping to find her dad wanted her back, he threw her out of the house. At age 23 these girls are still upset. The cousin he left them with died and they were left with no one. He still did not want to send them a dime or help them. About all he does is allow them to be friends on Facebook, but other than that he has nothing nice to say about them.

This toxicity lasted for at least 50 years, as prior to my brother's problems, my parents had a very difficult marriage, with jealousies from mom, infidelities, fights and abuse. This is probably what turned my brother into the guy he became. I left that home at age 23, and made the mistake of moving close bye, using my parents for babysitters, and keeping close to my brother for years, even after the abandonment of his children. Always excusing their behavior or buying their lies and justifications. Brother robbed me twice, just broke in. Still forgave him. I even got him a private mortgage with a friend and paid for an operation.

Lessons Learned

  • I should have moved away 35 years ago.
  • People simply don't change, don't waste your time hoping.
  • I could have avoided all that pain from being enmeshed in their problems for years.
  • They only wanted me for what money they could get out of me.
  • Just because they are family, I did not have to put up with mom's whining, dad's abusive behavior and my brother stealing from me and stabbing me in the back again and again.
  • The mental anguish of this has hurt me and I should have gotten out years ago for my own mental health.
  • At least I am finally free, and cut them out at age 55 after the therapist insisted I do it
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