To discuss your symptoms with others, go to the Bipolar Disorder Forums.
Not worth it.
- I am 18 years old. And I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I go through phases where I will be enjoying life and happy or I will be hating life and having suicidal thoughts. I have wanted to talk to a professional about this for a while but when I tried they made me realize that they don't care. My closest friend who is the only person I have talked to about this is worried and wants me to talk to a professional. Now since she told me that, I am afraid to talk to her about my problems because I don't want to worry her anymore. Maybe there is someone who really does care but I can't go find that person because I am too shy. I have so much pressure from family and friends and it would be so wonderful to just die and never have to feel or be again. The truth is, the only thing stopping me from death is my fear it will be painful or unsuccessful. I haven't suffered much in life, but the little things I have suffered make a huge impact to me. I don't know what to do. [Guide's Note: Your friend is right. Having had one bad experience with professional help doesn't mean ALL professionals don't care. Your symptoms are serious. Seek help right away.]
- —Guest anonymous
- im 27 and have struggled with depression and mood swings since i was 14. Been with my husband 10 yrs and have 2 beautiful children. But no matter what i do im never happy. The tablets dont work. I just hate waking up feeling like im in hell but im desperate for a life. Im falling apart.
- —Guest anna
- Depression begins for me with bouts of unexplained sadness and binge eating almost uncontollable. If unable to catch it I spiral down very fast. The best way to explain is that a dark cloud comes over me without warning and also leaves without warning. However this time it has stayed for over 6 years and has totally debillitated my life and my families life. They do not have a functionining Mom or Nana. I am totally housebound and see no one except for my 2 grand children 10 & 6 and my adult daughter. We live together and it is hard. I am alone and have not a soul to chat with. Sure I live with people but I am a burden which is made obvious many times. I do not want to continue and as my title so aptly puts it I am wasted space.
- —Guest Judy
- I'm 14. I've basically got all of these symptoms and I've started self-harming and though my Mum's seen my cuts and says I shouldn't do it, I think about it a lot. I don't know why I do it. Sometimes I go into a kind of, 'robot mode' where I'm so down I can't really control what I'm doing and feel really empty. I pull at my eyebrows (trichotillomania) and have down for at least 5 years now. I don't feel like eating as much as I used to. I had a nasty fall out with my friends a couple I months back so I don't really have anyone to talk to in lessons anymore. My boyfriend, though I think I love him, he can really bring me down sometimes and pressures me a little to do sexual things (and I just feel ashamed about them later, but he doesn't understand why I feel this way). I don't like the way I look unless I'm plastered in make-up because I'm ashamed of my spots and lack of eyebrows. I have nice friends outside lessons and a loving family but I don't know how to get help by myself. [Guide's note: Your loving family is the place to start. They won't want you to suffer like this. Ask your parents to help you get help - TODAY.]
- —Guest Flossy
I dont know what to do.
- I'm thirteen, bipolar, depressional, and i'm suicidal. I cut myself, and i feel like the world would be better off without me. Im afraid to seek professional help, because my mom would get upset with me. [Guide's note: Your mother would be more upset if you committed suicide. She loves you. Tell her today.]
- —Guest hanna3949
Second time around
- Hi there, I'm 23 now and this is my second "bout" of depression. The first came as a teen. I often was angry and had the classic stuck in a deep dark pit feeling. On several occasions as a teen I would tell my parents that I was stupid, that I was ugly, that I would never amount to anything. And on more than one occasion cut myself because I felt somewhat at peace when I bled. Seemed like the only reprieve from that pit of sorrow. Eventually after having left home I became "me" again. Years passed, I pursued the things I loved, and was content with my life. I was fit, I was healthy and was consuming loads and loads of information (which is something I enjoy). Now at 23 I find myself barely able to get out of bed to go to work in the mornings. I hate everything and seemingly everyone (save for a few key friends) and this pit seems increasingly deep. The shit of it is that I can barely bring myself to post this as I fear rejection and mockery so strongly it almost aches. [Guide's Note: Get help! Your depression is serious. There's no reason to stay in this condition when treatment may well ease your symptoms.]
- —Guest Jeremy
- I cry every day , I get jealous over people that have a good life , I always just want to go to my bed and hide under the covers I just want everyone around me judging me to piss of I am so angry at everyone on this earth I don't even know why I am here I don't believe this place is true this is fake and I'm the only one aware of anything happening. I hit myself and get extremely angry I get upset I just wish I was dead.
- —Guest kayro
- I have been reading everyones stories on this site and I am shocked at how many teens are feeling down and suicidal, why? I am suffering from depression and taking Lexapro for it no one knows that I take them because I think they would laugh at me. When I was young I grew up in a poor family my dad used to hit my mum which we thought was normal but we wouldn't talk about it in public because deep inside of us we knew it wasn't right, but we were strong and had to fight any fears within us about dads behaviour. I urge young people to live their life to the fullest and enjoy every day that they are alive. I am nearly 50 when I retire I would like to involve myself in some charity to help young adults cope with every problems and it will be advise coming from someone who has lived a hard life and not from some shrink who gives advise from books. Be happy and make the most of your life!! ( I sometimes wish I can take that advise from me)
- —Guest Why are so many young people sad
- I am 50 years old I feel very sad I am married with a hard working man who is very cold and anti social I am a deep and romantic person my marriage looks perfect to alot apart from me so there fore I have turned to gambling I have caused alot of problems from this mainly financial to my house I get very very sad I work alit mainly to support my habbit any chance I get with money I'm at gambling venues I hate myself, my life and my horrible habit. I've started taking anti depressants just been a bit over a week which is doing nothing but I go to bed early rather than gamble I will them another 3 weeks as I've been told I should and we shall see how I go.... I used to laugh at people who used to take them and here is me taking them how odd!!
- —Guest Saddy
Someone Fix Me?
- I feel like i'm having constant mood swings. Nothing I do seems to help. I am 17, and was abused by my father until I was 12. I now have no contact with him and I know this is what is effecting me. I can't seem to love myself or let anyone else love me. I just think about how useless I am and how anything I try to do just goes wrong. I push away the people I love the most because that is all i've ever known to do. I feel like crying all the time but i don't let myself cry because then I know there is a problem. I've recently become really stressed out and I can't figure out how to fix myself. I don't know what I should do anymore. I just want someone to fix me.
- —Guest katiee
- My bipolar type 2 symptoms have been like a secret spy you read about in a novel. I was surprised when I was diagnosed but then my Dad had bipolar type one. My symptoms are not outrageous. When I am in mania, I have lots of energy. I go, go, go. Since I don't have the money to spend (when I did, I would buy $500 fountain pens) I go to the library. I cannot come home with just one book. I come home with four. Then the depression hits, I have trouble getting out of bed. I'm tired when I do get up. I don't clean up around the apartment. I read a lot. I have no inclination to get out of the house, or to take my regular walk. I can barely take care of my personal self; however, I do take care of my cat. It seems in the last year or so, I have become more aware of whether I am on the upside or downside of this disorder. This helps me in taking care of myself. I have also begun talking more to my husband so he is also aware and can say something to me of what he is seeing.
don't want to just die
- It started with not wanting to get dressed. I love looking nice from head to toe. Then I didn't sleep through the night. I woke with pain in my heart crying before I opened my eyes. By now no appetite and I can't do anything. Dying is all I think about. With therapy I found I'm bipolar manic depressive. I spent 10 years in therapy to finally get out of my depressed state. The last 3 years I've been manic. I'd rather run on up than on down. Now I feel the depression coming back. I'm scared to go back to that. I have 4 kids and I'm so worried I'm going to lose them this time.
- —Guest Chestnutbrown
- I don't know what's wrong with me. The first one out of the family to graduate high school and go to uni to get a career, trying to get my p's, I should feel, positive. But I'm completely the opposite. I'm always sad, crying, mood swings, tired and that everything I do is useless and there's no point in trying. Over the last couple of years I've just completely lost my self esteem. It's just gone. Now I'm just a waste of space. It gets.worse when I'm alone and start to think. With my mum and friends I'm okay. I've tried to stop the thoughts of disgrace but I can't. My mum doesn't think its anything but me being stupid. I'm just so so sad.
- —Guest down out
- I don't know what to do. My mother doesn't believe that anything is wrong with me and won't take me to any sort of doctor for help. I feel like crying all the time and avoid school (which I normally enjoy) I cancel job interviews to sit alone in my car. I lash out at anyone who tries to help. I wish I could die, my mom told me that if I ever did anything like that she'd have a stroke and die, I don't want that to happen so I try to deal with it. I can't help but think about dying, I wish with all my heart that some freak accident would happen and I wouldn't be around any more. I've thought about buying sleep medication and taking a whole bottle of that but I'm so afraid I'd live through it that I haven't tried. My life is perfect though and that's why I don't understand why this is happening. I have a very well paying part time job with kind, understanding people and am about to get another job somewhere equally nice. I have a great life but somehow find myself wanting to die.
- —Guest Samantha
I feel worse than an animal
- If i really want help i will have to be sincere. I am an internet scammer, i am not proud of doing this and i never chosed to do it. Its just the situations sorrunding me. If i chose to stop this bad business i will be poorer than i am now but i really wished i could stop it. Sometimes the only way i feel to stop it is by killing myself. I feel so bad taking other peoples money but i need money to be a man but things keep getting very bad for me. I am addicted to scam. I want to break free and i want to live a better life. I need help.
- —Guest Samson