Bitterness rises
- My mother and I had an arguement last night in which she accused me of "not getting myself sorted out". I have just turned 18, and in the UK it is very hard to get around without money (I can't work, but am rehabilitating). All I asked for was a lift to the doctor's Thursday. Do we all experience parental bitterness? I am invisible to the world, except when I want to be. My family are in no way supportive, except for my dad. He lives in the city centre, so it's awkward asking for a lift. Sometimes I just want to disappear, go somewhere quiet, rural, on my own and stay there. Lonliness wouldn't be as intense that way. So many people use BP as an insult, it's a lose-lose situation. I can't win.
- —Guest irishrob
I Agree....They Just Don't Get It
- Leanne hit the nail on the head. It the same with myself. I am the oldest, had bipolar for years but when I am around family I tread carefully for I feel I may upset them with my disease. I talked with my MOm once and she changed the subject. That really hurt.
- —Guest inez
Is It Really Families That Should Change
- In my experience Bipolar Disorder takes a heavy toll on ALL the people in a beeper's life. Few beepers are completely surrounded by others who are 100% free of mental health problems, themselves. Many of us have friends and family members with disorders of some type because of genetics & with friends and partners because birds of a feather........ My family has tried to support with things like med reminders or letting me know when they think I'm unstable. Problem is that they burn out. Doing much more than trying to understand and be loving through hard times seems unrealistic. I think that in a way it's a way for the medical professionals and society at large to abdicate responsibility for not making allowances that better enable us to remain active parts of society & for not providing adequate health care services for us. That said, I will say that family members could accept it as real and do some research. Yet many countries actively educate the public. Why can't the U.S.?
- —Guest Jay
How Could Family Be More Supportive?
- It would be helpful for my family to realize that I have to battle to maintain with BP-that it's not just a fashionable diagnosis, and that I need support. They're all far away, geographically and emotionally, since Mom died last year (Mom and I lived together), and it seems that they assume that I'm just fine. I AM maintaining, but I'm not "just fine". Any suggestions, or am I just being too needy? One last thought--my sister, who, according to her, "used" to have BP is using me to fill in for her daily long-distance calls with Mom. How can I be supportive of myself, this sister/clinging 50-year-old, and the general idea that I deserve to be relatively free of BP symptoms? I've said far too much-looking forward to your replies.
- —Guest Hipnick
Hard times; family help
- My parents and sisters helped me and my children (and their dad too)- at diferent times when I was depressed. Cleaning, sorting, moving, helping with the kids off and on over the years; I thought they looked at me with scorn as I stood aside smoking in the bushes while they did all the work. I felt so much shame when my family came to help. I felt so bad just pacing. It's because of my kids that my family pitched in so much at times when they could. They would have given up on me alone much sooner (I think). They really thought that I should just be able to shake it off. It seemed they thought that maybe my deep depressions were over-indulgent behavior instead of a real clinical i. Or maybe a need for attention. I think it's sad that people don't become more informed about mental illness. There's such a stigma. The info on this site is great. In a few months I've learned so much compared to the 6 years that I've had a Bipolar diagnosis (which i have finally realize
- —riverfork
my wish
- I have the hardest time right now with familysupport espically my dad, the only reason hehas an inkiling of understanding is that I was released form the hospital a week ago, he just cannot understand why I cannot be normal and function like the othr sisters so he gets more and more psychilochically abusive (the term used by drs in the hospital) and I try to explain but he just does not understand emotions all he understands is logic and having biplar is not logical. It is very hard to be around him that before the hospitalization I avoided him at all costs because I knew he was a triggger and would cause the suicide and I feel if not care fur still might happen. On the other Hand after family therapy in the hospital mom has beocme supportive trying to figure out what happens and what is like for me and trying to respect me and help whether she can.
- —Guest jellynelly
maniccarousel
- definitely more supportive. They just don't get it when I say I have an emergency it's really an emergency and I need help NOW. I get so frustrated and it strains our relationships or even ends some.How could they be supportive? First, educate themselve just even a bit or listen to me and really hear me or read a site like this to see this is really a disease and yes people really suffer and YES I do too. IT's real what I suffer. Who would really make this stuff up?
- —Guest maniccarousel
Brothers and Sisters
- After my mother's sudden death in 1987, that is when I became sick. However my sister had already been diagnosed with Schizophrenia 10 years earlier. My dad and brother kept telling me to try and "snap" out of it, and my brother actually said that there is not enough room for another "sick" person in the family, as "Jane" already is sick, and that's enough people! Okay, do you think I can help this? How about a little support? How about not! They chose not to believe I ever had a problem, even though I was hospitalized 23 times between 1987-1996! My father passed away two years ago, and after that, the communication between my brother and sister has been pretty much non-existant - on both sides. My sister and brother are sticking together, but they have shunned me away. But that's nothing new, growing up, they did the same thing - ignored me and now it doesn't really matter b/c I have a very understanding husband and three loving sons! This is my family, and yes they are supportive!
- —Suzy1963
People don't get it.
- I gone through three relationships and close relatives because of lack of understanding. Which makes it more stressful to deal with. They read something about it, and still get angry with me, which makes me angry and snap. My fourth relationship did not take long to get rocky, and he was warned way in advance what he's in for. People just don't get it or they simply just don't want to. They think you should snap out of it and conform to what they expect you to be. They're quick to give advice too. At that point I turn them off and just smile and agree. one ear and out the other.
- —Guest maria
family more supportive
- That is a loaded question. When I was first diagnosed it was in the major depressive state. They were very supportive. Now that I am leveled out with meds it makes it more difficult with my family for they are very impatient with me. Especially the one who is a psychologist. Everything I do or say is mental now and the results of my disorder or my meds. Anything they do or say that may effect my actions is my fault because of my disorder and they do not take responsibility for. Nor do they take me seriously. Do I wish they were more supportive. Yes but not as family members of a bi polar patient but simply as my family members. Treat me as if I were normal because my drugs make me as normal as possible and every reaction is not bi polar one. I am not crazy or simple minded but they treat me that way. My mind works better then anyone of theirs and yet they act like it doesn't work at all. Very frustrating. Labels. Who needs them.
- —Guest Peggy Swiger
Just listen
- Attend a DBSA meeting or other support groups, read more about it, talk openly and stop asking and thinking I should just snap out it. They act with sympathy but privately expect me to shrug it off (except my sister who suffers from depression) just snap out of it other close family members say. When I have good days they should encourage me.
- —Guest Andy
Family support,
- My Wife and some others in her family accept the fact that I am bipolar. My Mother sort of accepts that I have it my 2 Sisters do not believe I have it and that I just use it to get out of working even though a much larger problem with me working has to do with having had 2 back surgeries of which the second one has left me with constant pain and the inability to work in my trained profession the bipolar makes it difficult to deal with constant changes in schedule tasks at work in many fields of work that I attempted. My back prevents extended times of standing, lifting,etc. , even sitting for long periods of time are difficult. My bigger problem with trying to work with having bipolar is some of the other areas in my thoughts that have been problems as well like being agoraphobic, and problems with some PTSD and OCD that seem to have come on since getting the diagnoses of bipolar or were part of what caused to some degree becoming bipolar.
- —americanflyer55
Ms
- I just wish my family would listen and believe me when I tell them how I am reall feeling!!!
- —Guest Deb
Family members and BP
- Family members should be more understanding and not say things like get over it. they need to understand that when you have BP you cannot always stop what is happening to you.
- —edunham60
tj
- I wish they would read an article or a book on the subjecct to be more understanding. They just don't get it unless something drastic happens i.e. hospitalization or suicide attempt.
- —TjLittell
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