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Readers Respond: Descriptions of Bipolar Delusions

Responses: 40

By

Updated March 14, 2011

From the article: Delusions
People with bipolar I disorder may experience delusions as a part of their psychotic symptoms. About Bipolar Disorder readers describe their delusions.

My delusions

I thought my psychiatrist was in cahoots with the people on my job and my parents and he was not. I thought people could hear my thoughts and know what I was feeling, could see inside me. I thought spells were coming out of inanimate objects. My delusions are described in various episodes in my memoir, "Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things: Learning to Love as a Bipolar Aspie."
—Guest etwolfe2

obsessed with reading obituaries

I worked for a couple of nursing homes here, and I must admit that i have become obsessed with the deaths of old people i look for residents i took care of on the daily basis,first thing in the morning,i go to my computer to check for residents who have passed on,death is all i think about, i ask god for another day,everyday, in my mind i think if i ask for a day, God will grant it, no one can know when they will pass, but in my mind i am dieing and i think if i ask God can i stay he lets me live, I have been in many mental wards, and i fear now that i will be returning soon, one night i thought i saw my 12 year old son in the hall and i looked again he was gone, i called him and went to his room and he was sound asleep, i see things from the corners of my eyes and hear voices, i don't like the side effects of the meds because in my opinion they hurt more then they help me, i wish there was some other way of treating my bipolar 1,i was diagnosed when i was 15 i wish i never had this.
—Guest FIFI48

Gas leak

I recently watched a television show where a family died from a gas leak in there home. I now honestly believe that there is one in my home, I feel like I smell gas throughout the night. I get up to go look for it even. We have a gas stove which I never had until we moved to our current house and I'm convinced that it's going to end up killing my family. I have even called the fire department In the middle of the night to check to make sure there wasn't. I can't stop obsessing to the point I'm scared and can't sleep. How do I make it stop?
—Guest Always dying

Posters

im 17 and am diagnosed with bipolar disorder type1 with psychosis. and i have delusions that posters or pictures are watching me.and eversince i saw a movie with this in it i sometimes think that little invisible cameras are watching me. and the people watching me are for example an ex or a person i have problems with. sometimes i jump on my bed thinking that a demon is under it. and i cannot think about the end of the world or aliens, because i will think about it for a while...until my mood changes.
—klm555

what the hell

When I'm in my room upstairs, I will hear my name called from downstairs, and so i would go out into the hallway and there is no one there, actually there would be no one in the house. This would continue to happen. I would also be laying in my bed and someone or something would crawl in the bed next to me. There are times that God communicates with me in my head. When people look at me, I think that there talking about me or they know what I'm thinking. Everyday, at random times, I will zone out and I can see myself outside of my body in a different place arguing with someone i don't particularly like or someone I don't know but I've heard bad things about the person. I then snap out of this daydream state, and know that it was not real, but it feels real. Very often I think that the world and everything in it is not real, and I derive peace from this. I often have thoughts of schemes to kill people I don't like. Sometimes, I think that I can commune with wicked spirits.
—johnathanericmyers

Dad is that you?

I have just got discharged from a Hospital for the 4th time and have been diagnosed with Bipolar I, I have had many Psychotic episodes but the worst actually came while I was in the hospital. The day I was admitted I found that one of the patients kept staring at me.... He did not talk and never ate until the pain became unbearable then he finally would eat or drink something. He never stopped looking at ME though after a day went by I found the nurses on the ward kept asking my name like something was wrong then I found out that the black guy that kept staring at me had the same name as my father. I looked at him again and saw he was looking at me and with tears in his eyes he reached out for me. I hid in a bathroom and told the nursing staff that my dad was inside him and I did not know what to do. My father passed away a year ago. They put me on another wing away from him and to this day Even though I know better it still seems possible. The worst delusions are those type.
—Guest 1ofluckyfew

Paranoid.

I'm 13 years old and i think I'm bipolar. The other night I could hear a buzzing coming from the hall next to my bedroom and I began to freak out. I was convinced that there was a gas leak in my house and that We were going to die. I was shaking and I sat on the floor sobbing because I was so scared. Then, i could see a strange lighted gap on the ceiling of my room and I had to run out my room because i thought it was a hole that had been made to watch me. I started freaking out, wondering how long it had been there. I turned my light on and it disappeared. I did the same thing several times because it always came back when the light was off. It turns out that it was just a mirror that i had left on the floor which was projecting light from the hallway. It took me half an hour of panicking to figure it out. The buzzing was still driving me mad so i went downstairs. I looked up the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning and kept checking my house.
—Guest Jasminee

My unfortunate delusions

During my worst manic episode I was vacationing in Florida with my family...I thought the government had bugged me with a device that allowed them to hear all of my thoughts and the words I said...I would randomly hear people cheering, I heard babies crying, I saw a bunch of children who looked like little zombies and I knew they were going to be locked in a boat and suffocated to death, my family looked pale white to me and I thought they were going to die, everything smelled terrible, I truly 100% believed I was going to die. I was all ready to pass away.
—Guest whacko

SillyBoy

My delusions have me convinced that every company I've ever worked for is violating some or another incredibily important law. It could be harrassment, safety, illegal aliens working, stealing, discrimination, you name it. The delusions are so real that I report them to government authorites who then come and investigate because I sound convincing because I believe what I'm saying. My whistleblowing delusions have cost people jobs, forced companies (plural) to change policies, and gotten me involuntarlly hospitalized. But at the time, the delusions are so strong that they seem life threatening: ie- toxic chemicals released into the community or faulty respirators are going expose employees to level 4 carcinogens because the equipment is going to fail. I can't tell what is real or not and I get freaked out because I think if I don't report it something incredibly bad is going to happen, but if I'm wrong, I'm going to land in a mental ward and they aren't going to let me out.
—Guest Not Cookoo

I HAVE TELEPATHY and YES! ITS REAL!

so.. where do I start... I COULD write a million words on how I feel about the psychiatrists AND doctors I have met but it would make your eyes pop out in pure wonder on why theyre even in a medical practice, accually I will even explain an example. I was 25 when this became my life long curse. I woke up one day feeling great. and the next day and foreward on was a pure nightmare. it started off as a whisper in the fan, the stereo, the tv, outside the sound of the tires on the highway and even my baby snoring to a crows call.... I felt like I was going nuts. I called 911 one night because I was having heart palipations and feelings of dizziness thinking i was having a spell and the paramedics told me that my heart rate jumping from 85, to 103 to 98 was normal. I didnt take this as a serious word so i refused to go with them and had my brother and his gf drive m to the hospital. I sat there for 3 hours to see a doctor to be told thy dont believe in mind reading and ...
—Guest NOT DELUSIONAL

Delusions,

I've been on a long rollercoaster with these. The worst one for me that I still have and as I'm no longer medicated are worsening again, would be the fear that everyone can war my thoughts and that there are cameras everywhere. I've been through the psychiatrist stage enough times to have realised that it's a delusion (not that I had the courtesy of knowing that previously) but I can't help it. I don't know how to explain it, because a delusion isn't really a delusion when you know about it. But it is. I've been through thinking I am an ominous being when I was younger for years on end, to voices to seeing things and now a big life hindering one that I experienced again only hours prior to writing this is my choking phobia. My diet is limited and I eat painfully slowly. I try to work around it but sometimes when I have a particularly bad episode, there becomes something in my throat, that gets increasingly alarming. It's terrifying. I need some help again pretty soon.
—Guest _BelleEtoile

Interstellar Communication

As a child I experienced many distortions of reality; toys changing size or my parents were robots. I had problems at school but my parents ignored suggestions I should see a psychologist. When I was fifteen my Dad died suddenly and my Mum became suicidal. I felt like a hole had been ripped in my world, but gradually this hole became a real entity that only I could see. I started recieving transmissions from the other side of the universe through a metalic sphere in the centre of my brain that told me my I was a prophet and I should make preparations for the aliens arrival through this hole in the fabric of reality. I did not feel in control of my actions and found myself doing bizarre things that made perfect sense at the time. I once broke into every car in a street, didn't steal anything but left all the doors open so that people would know the aliens were coming. I did many more equally odd things but didn't get help until now, 25 years later when depression is the main problem.
—Guest tronky

my crazy

Hi, I have been hearing smelling and feeling things going on that are not really there.. for the last couple months. This morning I woke at 4:30am and was not awake maybe 5 mins and heard a doorbell ringing.. I do not have a door bell! I think people talk about me. I believe I have an evil being in my bedroom...I smell smoke that no one else smells. Have heard my name whispered on several occasions. I can not shower in the house by myself because I am afraid someone is going to come in and get me...I carry a 357 magnum through my house almost on a daily basis, afraid someone is going to break in... thought some dude in a McDonalds parking lot was following me home...And I was infatuated with a man I worked with. All I thought about was wild and crazy sex with him! I had to quit that job!
—Guest delutionist

Psychosis

When I was younger, I would sometimes hear voices talking to me. But now I think that I know what people are thinking about me. Also, I often think that a majority of people that I meet are out to take advantage of me. I was diagnosed with bipolar back in 2000, but have been experiencing symptoms for a very long time.
—Guest nosferatu1962

All these examples sound familar

I don't know if I'm bipolar or not but all these posts sound really familiar, like, I've always felt when I was at stores like I looked suspicious, even though I knew I wasn't going to steal anything, and nowadays I am constantly thinking that people are talking about me, and judging me, and it's so automatic to just react to the thoughts like they are real. Last year I constantly thought I was being watched through the window by the government. I remember that my cousin texted me and I texted back, "What is your intention?" It seems so obvious that so much of this can be easily called delusion, but to me it's been almost impossible to see that, especially because as soon as I think that it could be delusion, the next thought is "Oh, that's just an excuse, you're full of shi*." Only in the past month have I started to try to see some of this as delusion.
—deagea

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