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Readers Respond: Descriptions of Bipolar Delusions

Responses: 54

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Updated March 14, 2011

From the article: Delusions
People with bipolar I disorder may experience delusions as a part of their psychotic symptoms. About Bipolar Disorder readers describe their delusions. Describe Your Delusions

They suck!!!!!

I hate those stupid things!!! Had two bad episodes a month apart and was hospitalized both times. I hate them!!!!
—Guest BPchick2000

diagnosied bi-polar

very similar to me. i thought my phone was taped by a musican i was attracted to. in the middle of this i got engaged to a great guy and broke it off :(.... i then thought the musican was part of a secert network of musicans and the govnt. i thought the house was taped, and numbers had special meanings 1-4, I thought it was all related to the end of the world-that the network was the one world order the antichrist would come from and that i was a prophet who saw through these things and was supposed to tell everybody. it was all biblical stuff, Jesus quick return ect. i was tweeting this, had 1 follower but i thought the "network" could see it all. talking to myself in my car, sending messages to myself on my phone thinking it all could be seen, yelling in the driveway. i ended up in the mental hospital, thinking people were part of the network or were angels. i agreed there was no network and they let me go after a week, on meds. 2 weeks later i realized they were right! wow.
—Guest littleoff

Whoa! Delusions

I took a 6 hour shower (in the middle of the night) after 3 days of no sleep; I believed the water never got cold. I thought I was vomitting evil spirits during that time. The next day, my hands smelled like urine and my back burned as if someone had scratched it. Following this, I drank gallons of water a day, believing it would keep the Holy Spirit from leaving. I believed that someone could read my mind. I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit telling me to do reckless things. I was hypersexual but believed if I acted; God would leave me there. I thought God was testing me. I felt evil prescences all around. I also, concurrently, believed that if I went to a psychiatrist and got on meds, I would lose my salvation. Unfortunately, this delusion stopped me from getting help prior to completely losing touch. Even as I type this, I fear someone will somehow connect this to me and it will somehow ruin me. I am a mess with delusions because I am naive anyway.
—Guest Marcy

The Overwhelming Call of Manic Delusions

It really is fascinating how similar our minds are affected. It was around ten years ago that I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, and in that time I've experienced three major manic episodes, many minor ones, and countless depressions. As for delusions, most of mine have me as the Dragon, Jesus, Anti-Christ, some sort of One/Hero who the whole world revolves around. At the peak of my manias, I basically read myself into the world, seeing signs in everything, all speaking to me. I too believed television programming spoke to me. I saw guidance in numbers and numerology. Stories I've read have always become very real in my manias, and it always goes back to my desire to be a hero in a story, a dream/fantasy I've had since childhood, but the delusions also shift form by the moment. I'm now doing well on my meds, but the hero delusion seems to be permanent. That's why meds are so important for me. On my meds, I know it's just delusion. Off meds and manic, I can't resist them.
—Guest Will

The Scariest time ever

About two years ago I began thinking really strange things. I thought people on the TV could see me and were talking to me and only me. I began to believe that my parents were no longer my parents and i believed that michael jackson was my dad. I got in the neighbors car one night it had the keys in it and took off. I went to jail, were I continued crazy delusions. I thought I was a female version of christ and that I was going to save the world. Needless to say the judge when I went to court thought my behavior was so erratic that he sent me to a mental hospital. It took about 2 months of deep therapy and good psych meds for me to realize who I was. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I hope I never have another episode like this ever again!
—Guest Katie

My family...

I am now 20 years old and have just recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I guess the hallucinations really started when I was 15-16. I would see shadow people all the time, demons, indians, flying trucks, mythical creatures on the side of the road. I became increasingly paranoid. I believed everyone but my mom was out to get me. If I went to a public event I felt like complete strangers were there just to kill me. I remember laying down in the floor one night in the middle of my living room and telling my mom that I give up and to just let the people come kill me. I then went into what I feel was my depressive stage and I had no more of these hallucinations. However, at the age of 17 my uncle(who is also bipolar) and I were convinced that the majority of my family memebers were devil worshippers. We went into great detail to prove this theory. We found burnt pictures of my family, faces in the pictures, etc. It has stopped for the most part, yet sometimes still believe it.
—Guest forever alone

Colors and Whatnot

Nearly a year ago I was diagnosed in the hospital with Bipolar I which at the time included psychotic features. I suffered from mainly delusions of reference, believing almost everything I heard was in some way pertinent to me, particularly my somewhat ambiguous sexual identity. I was convinced people knew what I was thinking, knew my secrets, etc. Colors took on very specific meanings. Red and black were scary colors, green meant you could hit on the person, blue was safe.. I mostly associated things with the colors of people's cigarette lighters...another reason not to smoke, I guess.
—Guest Blake J. Burkett

Used to hear voices in my head...

I used to hear voices in since the age of six, about wanting to kill people, it plagued me since i was six until i was 19 years old, i changed myself constantly as a way to fool my mind of my weakness which was my sister, she means the most to me. i was raped when i was 9, i've had flashbacks, i have major depression, never been on meds for anything, i've experienced seeing death first hand, someone dying slowly and someone being stabbed to death, I am 20 years young, i have had my fair share of life's tribulations, and there are much worst that has happened in my life, i heard those voices in my head for years, and it took a very long time, and would've killed myself years ago if it wasn't for the thought that it would affect her, and i couldn't do that to her. I have been sane no voices, and just a regular person for two years now, but now i am becoming paranoid and have a deep feeling of someone (s), are following me and trying to kill me, as if i'll turn around and someone stabs m
—Guest Charmerjoey

2 times too many

I have been bipolar diagnosed for half my life. I has two "melt down periods" the second of which ended 4 years ago. I am still dealing with what I remember thinking and how I viewed everyone. I went from deciding which way to walk down roads according to which street light turned green more often . Talked to random people thinking they were undercover agents watching me because I had powers. Thought I was brought in by strangers that were Biblical people that in another life I was family with. Ended up in hospital thinking the patients and staff were all undercover trying to get answers from me I wasn't supposed to reveal. Went to a home for the mentally ill, thinking everyone was demonic or angels. Added up numbers to figure out answers to thoughts. Much more ...4 years later I have not been manic or psychotic and I think of all of these things constantly..and feel confused because now I know all that went on was not what I thought. Think it would be easier to not remember...
—Guest trying to make sense

I was sick

The first thing I experienced was hearing a woman's voice & she was singing. Next I was terrified that someone was going to kill me. I couldn't sleep at night, I was on high alert & would lay stiffly hardly moving. In my bed, I had a fake gun, my cell phone, the landline phone & a bat under the bed. Sometimes I cold hear people walking downstairs & the gate opening outside. One night I decided I would see if I could dial 911 in the dark without actually pushing the buttons. Problem was I did push & the police came. One morning I hear sounds coming from my son's room & see flickering. I realize he's watching cartoons on TV. When I walk to his room, his door is closed, he is asleep & the TV is off. I start to think people can look at me and know things about me. I feel like I am bad. I feel like people are following me & I can often feel them breathing on my neck. Going outside becomes scary to me, so I pretty much stop.
—Guest Lala Land

Does knowing always help?

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder seven years ago. It started with believing that I was chosen for a job, because I was genius with special psychic abilities. It ended with me being chased by telepathic aliens demanding I commit suicide. I was diagnosed and put on medication and I felt better for a little while. Now, I am being terrorized by work colleagues. They created a club to harass me into reporting that I have been raped by one of my coworkers. It is all a very elaborate plan and it is driving me crazy. They are very persistent and merciless. I keep telling myself it isnt real. I tried to quit my job because of it. The scary part, is that I am on medication, but it doesn't appear to be working. In the past, knowing helped. Now it seems that I have nothing, since they won't go away. I ask myself whether or not I can live another day like this. The delusions are what makes you want to die. I don't know what's real anymore. [Guide's note: Ella, since your medication doesn't seem to be working, you need to bring the problem to your doctor again. There are many antipsychotic medications you can try.]
—Guest ella

Am I the only one with this fantasy??

I have a long history of depression. This commenced since I was sexually assaulted at 8years of age. I was threatened by my assaulter that they would kill my mother if i said anything. The abuse continued for at least 20 years. During my childhood i became obsessed with robots and japanese love stories. I created a character of a robot, a hero who lost his parents in an explosion, then i would day dream night and day every minute of the day up until now of being this character. This hero robot would encounter many challenging and exciting scenarios, inspired by other stories, my own and difficult situations that i would encounter as i grew up. In essence, i particularly enjoy being this character, and it became more interesting when I started with the sexual scenarios, losing his virginity to a beautiful princess over and over again. This constant daydreaming has impacted greatly on my life. I am taking antidepressants, and this helps until the medication wears off. AM I psychotic? [Guide's note: while I can't diagnose you, this sounds less like psychosis and much more like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Please seek additional professional help.]
—stuckinsidemyself

They live in the carpet.

Ever since I was a teen and started watching aquatic horror movies, I believed that aquatic "monsters" (sharks, squids, crocodiles, killer whales, etc.) lived in my carpet at night. It's weird, because I know it's not true, but even in my twenties, I still react to carpet as if it were, especially dark-colored carpet. I feel as if the carpet is actually water that I can somehow walk over (although I don't have delusions of grandeur...like that) and that the monsters (depending on what "monster" information I've gathered during the day) are waiting below the surface, ready to attack unless I get to a swatch of carpet in the light (an "island"), to hard surfaces like tile, or on a raised platform like a bed or chair (where I curl up, legs under me). I feel that if I dangle a limb over the side of whatever platform I'm on, the monsters will surface and drag me under. However, I'm always curious to see if they're real, so I sleep on the edge of my bed in the hopes to see one of them.
—Guest socialdeviance

My best and worst days

Last December right before Christmas i met a person named john who i thought was to baptise me. I thought that i was an apostle, Jesus , a prophet. I was going to different churches at any time of the day and night trying to learn about my church. Then at the longest night of the year i was driving around various dark places thinking that evil forces are fighting over me. I was following the light. If it be stars, lamp posts, radio towers light. I had to meet a father who lives two hours away but it took me 12. They wouldn't let me in the psychiatric word/monastery in the middle of the night. So i went driving to find a place to rest. Went to a hospital and asked if they have a bed i can sleep on. They took me in. I rested for a little bit then sang to a dying person. Was waiting to be transferred and was figuring how the bed works and thought i can converted to a motorless plane with which i can fly to Palestine and become their king. Later thought that i will be the new president, pope.....
—Guest Pdfromkwi

My delusions

I thought my psychiatrist was in cahoots with the people on my job and my parents and he was not. I thought people could hear my thoughts and know what I was feeling, could see inside me. I thought spells were coming out of inanimate objects. My delusions are described in various episodes in my memoir, "Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things: Learning to Love as a Bipolar Aspie."
—Guest etwolfe2

Describe Your Delusions

Descriptions of Bipolar Delusions

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