bipolar husband?
- when my husband has "episodes" he is mean, tells me he wants me and kids out of house, has glazed over eyes, and when i try to defend myself he doesnt let me get a word in. Pretty much tells me how i dont do anything right, kids dont do anything right, etc. It is very hurtful. This is not the first marriage. Then he comes out of it, and is just happy as can be, but, i am still hurting. He is on Effexor that doesnt work right. He says there is nothing wrong with him, it's all me. Help, I'm so sad and trying to figure out how I can make myself content with this lifestyle.
- —Guest donnall
A Book Really Helped Me
- I found a reference to a book in an article I was reading several years ago and I found the book and bought it, it changed a lot for me and helped so much. It's called Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. Seriously read it.
- —Guest tai0316
wishful thinking
- thanks for ur great article...it's so true, those people really exist,and as u said we are more open and receptive to those negative people..but i just can't ignore them, i'm good to people who r good to me, and can't look at those whom i don't like..in other words i can't control their vibes, nor pretend i like them?? is there a certain exercise (yoga, meditation, thai chi etc...?)thnx again 4 ur enlightment
- —maya529
shielding
- I learned a very valuable tool many years ago when I was teaching. I shared my frustration with a fellow counselor. I had developed an adult ed class on the topic of adult children of dysfunctional families in the workplace. There were people of many different levels of self awareness. Each time I would encounter one or two who wanted to argue with me or interrupt me when i was talking. Sometimes they would make sarcastic remarks and then say "only kidding" when I knew they meant it. I learned to make a visual shield for the front of my body. Some nights I'd go home and could almost feel the arrows that had been directed towards me. But it fixed the problem. I may walk away with a dented shield but my heart and spirit remain untouched.
- —Guest cribwinner27
keep my distance
- toxic people can also be domineering and controlling. I find I need to keep my distance and not engage with them. this means phone calls rather than getting together, or emails rather than phone calls. toxic people can try to control the situation by framing it in the way they want to see it through the way that they interact. this can be very compelling and irresistible. so its easier for me if I just don't interact in the first place. this is actually a form of bullying, and it was important for me to learn that it isn't likely that they were going to change. the best thing for me to do was to end the relationship.
- —ebethouise
Toxic Father
- My dad Ronnie was toxic. I think these people are narcissistic because they rage and show little empathy for others. It's hard having a parent like that. They like to isolate you and vebally abuse you, threaten you etc. It takes years to figure out that if you just stopped talking to them you would heal. Then they throw something at you like "honor thy parents". Run, run very fast!
- —Guest Jimmy
Toxic brother
- I tolerated this toxic whimsical brother of mine for little over 40 yrs. 90% of the time he is full of himself & relatively non toxic but the rest 10% he's extremely toxic. It's really hard to break a relationship but I'm at a point that I can't take it anymore. I am starting to get physically symptoms like ulcer, allergy attack, increased heartbeat. Good insightful article you have ... helping me understand the definition of 'toxic people' & yes they do exist for sure.
- —Guest Sam
Right there with ya
- Ausgal - you and me both! I pulled away from a toxic friend years ago, but she is still trying to reel me back in! I am resisting, but feeling like a total cow for doing it. Yet I need to do this for my own health. Hang in there girl, and keep your life for you - stay strong!
- —Guest Alpha
The Girl who sucked the life out of me!
- I was friends with a woman since we were teenagers. We lost contact for a few years, then re-connected in 1991. I had noticed, however that her life was nothing like mine. I'm not saying I'm better than her but she really had no dreams or aspirations as to where her life was going. I tried several times to sever our friendship, to no avail. She was like a horrid disease that wouldn't go away! 2005 marks the year that I kicked the toxic, time-consuming and immature woman out of my life - forever! Although I didn't do it, in person, I did it via an email. That was the only way I could get to her as she was not in the same state that I lived in. I told her exactly how I felt and how she was an extremely toxic person to me and my family. I know she got the message and digested it, b/c the last time I ever heard from her was in May of 2005! My life since then has been peaceful, enjoyable and quiet!!!
- —SuzyScorp
piper
- toxic, and dealing w/them. this is so funny, however not really. It's all about my family, as I have no friends being BP. But my family is really toxic towards me 100%. they talk about me, they think I'm doing this on a whim, they feel i'm acting out . they are all very selfish, if mom is there to babysit, give them money, or do what they want i'm just fine.. but i can't be sick. when i don't answer the phone they go nuts. if i don't open the door they pound and pound i do not have to give in to these spoiled kids.. i have my own troubles. they are all grown up now, youngest is 34. they can find the help they need by not using me all the time.
- —Guest piper
two parts to this story
- These comments are a huge help. I'm realizing that so many of the ill effects that we let toxic people have over our lives can be avoided or at least assuaged by *identifying* the behavior in the first place. I think especially in close family dynamics (which we grow into when we are most vulnerable i.e. as children who are just beginning to understand ourselves, and how we relate to the people around us and vice versa) it takes time to sort it all out. Personally, I was raised by a highly critical mother, who had many good/creditable and therefore "credible" characteristics, so it made sorting through the intricacies of our dynamic more challenging; I've only recently identified the very specific ways in which this individual has indeed been a very toxic influence in my life. She has also been hugely positive in many ways. That's the challenge, that unless we are dealing with cardboard boxes pretending to be people, we are often dealing with people who have a lot of wonderful qua
- —Guest Vandesa
Toxic Husband
- I've been married to my husband for about a year now. And he is the most toxic person I've ever met. I cant believe how bad it got after we got married. He was constantly accusing me of cheating. Very manipulative and controlling, and not to mention arrogant but very insecure and self absorbed. He has done nothing but try to turn my own family against me and his. I have isolated myself from him and family. I regret ever meeting this man. My family cannot stand him. They tolerate him because of me. But everytime hes around them he chews me out. I have had him steal my cell phone checking my emails.
- —Guest Lori
Trying to remove myself from my family..
- I am so sad inside.... it's like all the toxic people in my life have hurt me to the core. I just want of hide under the sea ....
- —Guest Me
toxic sister
- i have a sister who is a doctor and she is the pride of the family.i watched her study hard but always with a beer bottle or glass of wine in her hand. She has been drunk her whole life and people just look the other way or join her in her druken escapedes. I don't drink and am often ridiculed by her and put down. When she comes home to visit it is a drunken party at my family, all except for me. I now stay away because they're loud drunken ways are too much to bear, its ok if you are drunk too. but i am sober and it is anoying to say the least. She has given her 15 year old grandaughter booze and is trying to get her to fallow in her drunken footsteps. She is a lovely young girl and i have begged her not to be pressured into drinking. When they are all drinking and laughing and losing their drinks and talking non stop, they see me as the toxic sober one. That is how i am treated. So i have come up with vacations to be on when the alchoholic visit from my sister begins. It is sad tru
- —jazzymom229
how to avoid toxic people
- to avoid toxic team mom who text you and just you about your parenting! is to never talk to that person again.you can change people but you can change the satuation your in.
- —Guest teresa
