BI POLAR stripper! Lol!!
- I am so glad I found this. I wasn't diagnosed till I was 25 (I'm 26) and so I never understood why holding jobs was is hard. I hate admitting my fear of the world and my sensitive feelings, lack of concentration and multitasking skills as well as a social anxiety does not allow me to stay long in any place without people labeling me and misunderstanding me. I'm intelligent and creative and was a great actress all my life in school plays and even won scholarships to acting school. I can memorize a text in minutes! But I cannot multi-task, I get stressed by it a lot, and I'm nerdy and speak fast so people think I'm weird. Only some actors get me. I am a nanny in the day and I strip at night. I only started stripping 2 months ago and I'm the joke of the club. The girls are ghetto as this is a urban club and so their harsh attitude, my bosses harsh attitude, the harsh words if customers etc is too much. I cry all the time as I don't know what else to do. I just wish life was different.
- —Guest Chasing The Furor
I NEED HELP
- I have had bi polar disorder since I was diagnosed in 1992, i am almost 58 years old, I went from moderate mania to severely depressed/ suicidal.. I am on 4 types of meds. I have been in a BAD relationship for 10 years, I have wanted to leave but I can't work I have tried and can't hold a job, i am contemplating suicide because I have no where to go and I can't pay rent because I don't have enough money to pay it, I would have to have a job but I can't keep it..my Dr has told me to get out of this relationship for at least 6 years... I am a slave to the man I live with, I get no love from him I'm like a roommate, no sex for at least 5 years.. I don't know what to do... I don't want to burden any family members and I want to live alone. I can get an apartment but I will lose it because I can only pay so long and will worry about it, be depressed wondering how am I going to pay rent and I have to find a job.. I am confused, my memory is bad. I don't know where to turn.
- —CindyLeigh1
Sick of This
- I was diagnosed with bi polar 10 years ago and am now 25 going on 26, I have obtained lots of jobs but the longest I have stayed is 9 months. I usually get into this awful state where I feel like no one understands me and like everyone is judging me and just up and quit. I recently found a job that I really enjoyed and had been there about 4 months when they turned around one day and fired me out of no where. That was a huge blow to my self esteem, they told me that I was doing things wrong and taking too long to learn the way things worked (this was a new career for me). I just feel like I am never going to be able to get a real career and have a normal life like others, and the disability benefits that I am entitled too barely even pay my rent, I feel so lost and hopeless.
- —Guest sick of this
life sentence
- my boss is a total pig. he does not even try to understand what i am going through. i mostly sit in my office and listen to the laughter of my ex-friends. it really saddens me that this is my life. i used to be so bubbly and alive. now i am like a zombie. my fiance is absolutely wonderful. i fear for the future though, i would not want to lose him, but i just cannot help but feel that he is going to get fed up. life is hell - without God. With Him we have the validation that we are just as precious as the next person. i feel that when i here the high-heels of my ex-friends in the hallway, like they are so perfect, they get all the praise and i am the slow stupid, one sitting in her office the whole day. i try and get over the lump in my thought and get on with my life. my work is very slow, sometimes months with nothing to do. but i have hope for the future, one day at a time. one hour at a time, try to not get depressed, keep telling myself in a gentle voice, you're great!
- —Lerene
Slow times at work are the killer
- My current job is cyclical in nature, with the starts of months and especially fiscal quarters being extremely busy, and ends of months and fiscal quarters being extremely quiet. The last couple of days have been quiet. I have such a hard time dealing with work on the quiet days, that it's ridiculous. It shouldn't be THAT hard to double and triple check work while listening to music for 9 hours. But I'm bipolar, and it drives me up the wall. I feel like I'm in an isolation chamber, like I'm wasting my life, and just all in all desperate to find some other use for my time. Some other folks seem to think that working from home and contract work / work that has odd hours is helpful, maybe I should look into that.
- —Guest Drew
Moody doesn't begin to cover it
- I have been a nurse for 4 years. I am excellent at my job and very knowledgeable. I have quite a few people who outrank me that look to me for help, but I can no longer seem to help myself. I recently had a manic attack that brought me states away and cleared out my bank account and maxed my credit cards. After missing work for 3 days I was let go from my job. I do not know what to do. I'm scared to get another job for fear of the same thing happening. I love being a nurse, but nurses need to be reliable and I am not!
- —Guest Melissa
BP
- I feel like im reading my story i been battling w this disease since I was diagnosed @ 15. its been like leaving hell im a mother of 2 n i feel the worst mother the worst at all. im not happy w myself n just when i though i was doing great at my job i screw up big x now im in the urge to lose it for my stupidity im desperate i cant stand my life
- —Guest bp disaster
I fu***** hate bipolar disorder
- I too have the same problems of holding jobs. It's weird. I'm a well educated, intelligent person with a highly employable job skill set. I can easily get a job, but after a year or two I have to leave. It's like this horrible thing comes over me and makes me quit. I have illusions of grandeur about taking on the world and then before I know it, i am back on the road again. I find that contract work helps. It lets me focus on a job then get through it then take a break. It's hard to have the same thing over and over again. I'm also trying to be an entrepreneur. It turns out that Bi Polar people are pretty good at that because it takes a certain amount of "crazy" to do start ups. One thing that I find helps is that surrounding yourself with people that you trust is critical. When you are normal, tell them how much you appreciate them and let them know how much they mean to you. Above all, don't give up. Period. You get one chance at this life.
- —Guest AtlantaBP
I thought it was just me
- All my life i've been like this. I've had 4 jobs already for the year. I haven't bathed in a month. I am very manic at times and then i crash. I have had substance abuse problems since i was 11. I had to drink to go to sleep. I would always pray that God would take me or wake me up from this nightmare. I can never finish what i start. I went to nursing school 3 times but could never finish. I can't live like this anymore. and ssi denied me last year. I don't know what to do anymore.
- —Guest i can't keep a job
just like clock work
- struggling with bp at work when i'm manic i seem to be able to keep to myself most of the time. i have a routine that i follow like clock work anyone an tell where i will be and what i will be doing. only thing is that i also can't seem to stay out of everyone else's business. for example i'm always wanting to put my two cents into every conversation that going on around me. my voice might become loud,rude,mean or irritable. sounds are louder lights are brighter. i just wish i could concentrate with out all the distractions. my thoughts seem like not only my own but everyone else's too . then if i'm down will just want to stay quiet and act as though i just want to be left alone. don't smile or talk much to anyone. just seem as though i'm there doing what i'm suppose to be doing.
- —Guest 1greensevrum
BP and hate it.
- Ive had BP for several years, and its so hard to live with, I have a hard time holding jobs cause people think i can control my Illness, and change, do, better not miss, whatever and makes my depression even worse, i think of killing myself, but i have a son, with BP savior depressed and relies on me its the only reason i keep holding on, he is 28, and we help each other he gets ssd. and i'm trying to so sorry for everyone that has this disorder, and God bless, starting day treatment Mon. at Integris.
- —Guest Twonette
so worried
- My son has been diagnosed with bipolar. He is currently 19. He had to finish H.S. using an online program because he is also dyslexic. He has struggled so. These stories have helped me greatly to see that he is not alone. Now he needs to see that. He is very lonely. He can't hold a job for more than a few weeks. His future looks bleak. He feels lost. We are trying to help him to not give up.
- —Guest Needed this
What to do with my mother .... :(
- [Editor's note: This was originally written in Spanish] My mom is bipolar, since she's 24, now she is 50. she wants to work but is hard for her because she got sick when she had a year to finish college. She knows English and she's very smart (when she wants to) and has great memory. But the problem is that the doctors made a mistake and told us she had schizophrenia, and just until last a year they realized she was bipolar, even though ever since I was a kid I told them she was bipolar but they didn't listen. And because she got the wrong medication, she gets sick terribly. Now she takes Epival, Lithium carbonate and Clonazepam (or something like that to sleep) and she hadn't had a problem, but my family is opposed to, because the last time she got sick she was working, and nobody listens to me when I said it was the wrong medication.
- —Guest lauraps90
Questioning why I can't hold a job
- Reading others stories explains alot for me. I currently have a PhD in Metaphysics and a background as an RN as well, and I can't hold a job for more than a few months myself! Right now I work for a company that allows me to work when I can and that helps, but I keep questioning how others can get up day after day and go to work and I can't. There are days if I don't log in to work at a precise time I set for myself, I won't even try. And yet I am happy not to work. It's very confusing to me how people can go to work everday and not think twice about it where my mind runs every scenerio in the book forcing myself to work so we can have things and happier for not working. Except when I feel I need to get a way from it all and don't have the money to even go for a simple movie!
- —Guest Becca
Work? What's that?
- This is so frustrating. I feel I'm a highly intelligent person, always reading, studying well at a university but before the economy was bad I had a horrible history of 'job hopping', leaving a bunch of jobs after 1 day to 3 mos. I was diagnosed with Bipolar NOS with Psychotic Feature and Panic Disorder. Just got hired doing a simple job - cashiering at a pizza place and taking orders over the phone. Easy, right? Not so much. I can write a 15 page essay, talk to someone and relate to their problems for hours, etc etc but can't seem to multi-task. I hate the phone and the fast pace. I always hated the phone. I have trouble concentrating and remembering things and feel like everyone thinks/knows I'm "stupid" just by looking at me whilst stressed out at this job. I am too functional in other ways to likely be eligible for disability. I'm manic one day, functioning off 2 hours sleep, and the next I'm depressed. Boyfriend doesn't understand. "Go to work. You're stressing about nothing."
- —Skeletina1334
