How Do I Better Understand My Friend with Bipolar Disorder?
LZ, a friend to someone with bipolar disorder, shares in a forum post, “I've just been pushed away really hard, and I guess maybe if I could hear some others explain what they're thinking when they do it, I mean... push people away that they care about, it would help me be more compassionate toward the person who pushed me away.
“I'd like to think of myself as someone who is willing to learn. If I made a mistake, I want to learn from it. If someone else made a mistake, I'd like to learn from that, too.”
We have quite an ongoing conversation about how family member can help someone with bipolar disorder. So let’s flip the conversation to the perspective to our loved-ones. How can someone with bipolar disorder help a friend or a loved-one better understand? What advice do you have to offer LZ? ~Kimberly
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I can only speak from my experience but when I push people away it is usually to protect from the inevitable fall out that will occur. Pushing people away keeps them away from the monster and they never need see how scary and nasty I can be. It’s the cycle I am in for every high and good feeling there will be hell to pay. That is unmedicated, however, I have yet to find a medication that can totally and perfectly monitor my system, and respond to it accordingly.
When unmedicated, like I used to be but not anymore, I would push people away when I suddenly decided they had some trait or something and I no longer liked them. Like, this boyfriend I had who told me that “all eyes are really blue,” and that any other eye color was a sign of ill health. He had blue eyes, OF COURSE. Mine are green, I’m proud of them, and I didn’t need anyone to tell me my green eyes were a sign of ill health, or lack of good nutrition, or something. He also had chronic sinusitis, apparently, and from time to time would get a goober hanging from the end of his nose — made me sick to see it. I didn’t have the nerve to confront him, so I wrote him and told him these things. It was so cruel — I still regret it.
Now that I am medicated, I’m able to just “pull back” for a while, not push people away. I just tell them I need to rest, or need time alone, or even that I feel a mood coming on and need to take care of myself, by myself, and that I will call them when I feel better.
I push people away because I feel like they deserve better. No one should have to deal with this garbage that I have to live with. No matter how much they tell me they DO want to deal with it and help me, I just feel like they need a life without the pain of dealing with my problems. Don’t take it personally when you are pushed away. It’s not anything about you.
I Think Everyone With BP, Has Pushed The People You Love Away!! I Did & Do, When I’m Cycling Either Way(I’m A Rapid Cycler). I Have An Eleven Yr Old & A Five Yr Old & I Push Them Away When I’m Feeling My Worst. For Two Reasons…The First..To Protect Them From Seeing Me Like That & The Other Reason Is I Hate Being A Burden On Anyone. I Don’t Want My Friends Or Family To Have To Deal With The Uglyness Of This Disease. I Can’t Stand To See The Hirt & Pain That I Can Cause. At The Time When We Need Support The Most, We Push Away, It Just Seems Easier. more Humane… Your Friend Probably Is Pushing You Away Out Of Love. Just Let Them Know That You Are There, Whenever They Need You. Please Don’t Give Up On Them!!
I have been as upfront as I can with the people around me regarding my illness and some of the behavior that comes along with it. I make a difference between becoming overstimulated and needing a “time out” from pushing people away. My experience is that once family and friends understand that they have done nothing to provoke this situation, but that I have to sort things out for a bit, they are much more secure and even compassionate. Group therapy is a good way to learn how we sound to other people and cognitive ways to be able to say what we mean instead of tripping all over ourselves
in pain and anger. This is especially true when I am in a mixed state and am so busy communing with the bats flying around in my head that I look just a bit wild=eyed to my friends. I think perhaps we are often not easy people to be around.
BP is nothing-but a collection of behaviours we have chosen to do, to act upon to react, to and with others-nothing more nothing less.Just like any thing in the universe any action produces an equal and opposite reaction.Cause and effect, karma if you like-so we are all bound by the thoght processes we formulate. We BP people loke non BP people are people and WE are responsible for our actions.
This simple truth in physics Work = Force x Distance-is the remedy to recovery.We dont push the boundaries of our friendships, our diet, our self esteem-we wont reap the whirlwhind reaction from our minds ,our friends, our loved ones we push away.
Middle path dynamics-Buddha,Christ,Mohammed ,Guru Nanak, Lao Tze all saints teach the middle way-and infact all balance in the world is achieved thru balance in all things
Meditation on the principles of middle path dynamics through a competent teacher of balanced energy-
Lacto vegetarianism,non illicit drugs,no alcohol,no eggs fish or meat products containing them-a moral life -marriage or celibacy daily meditation on the sound current with the help of a competent living teacher of the middle path -Tao -shabd-will remedy some of the negative effects of the extreme emtions and thoughts (see below) that we socalled human beings have been acting on.
.Bipolar is the extreme- the remedy is in middle pole-nonpolar =humilty Zero tolerance for mental imbalance.
The serene mind causes no harm.Upset mind is the tsunami of emotions. Hard to do but not impossible peace of mind is exactly that-PEACE MIND.
We can all soar with high spirits and rapid cycling -channelised to higher planes of concious thought which brings beauty,peace ,bliss love,divine love,spiritual love total surrender to God which is Love-the sound current ,the shabd,logos,the Tao-the kalma,kun etc-and the opposite mind reactions -ALL THE NEGATIVES IN CREATION are caused by mental -ly ill humans 6 billion of US-secreting negativity every second of our lives -just to name a few of the mental illnesses-ie
anger,greed,pride,lust,egotism,racism,sexism,ageism,divorce,bestiality,promiscuity,homosexual heterosexual debauchery,ape,genital mutilation , atomic wars ,drug dealind,drug addiction,sex addiction,,pornography,prostitution,gang related criminality,polital economic corruption wars ,apartheid ,slavery,colonialismwars,drugdealing,murders,wars
Now whiach do we prefer serenity or the negative machinations of the mind ?
I have been struggling along the path of surat shabd yoga since 1982-no drugs,booze,being lactovegetarian-struggling to daily meditation-and lead a moral life-
I feel much better w meds regular sleep good friends,a good relationship w my wife,10 yrs we had a break-now we are reworking the relationship -she is getting help for her issues=i am with mine-it is a struggle.But we all will get through.
My teacher Baba Ji( RSSB.org) said last year at Beas Punjab t a group of 500 foreigners at Hostel No 6 October 6th 2008 -at 6.35pm -in the new translaton hall “There is always a way out.” of our self induced problems.We created that thought-we can extricate it.The glass is half full.An attitudinal adjustment-a way forward-we can do anything-do it well.All of us are masters in our own right-when -not if-we realise it.In other words we are all mentally ill if we attached to this creation of illusion -When we attach ourselves to that middle path soundcurrent-which brings immediate relief from pain-because our higher self-our soul is One with serenity and Love-it is our minds which are in pain.
Therefore only way forward is UP.A higher conciusness leads to bliss-which is above if you will the senses, the lower nature-
Peac is Love -Love is God-The word the sound current -extant in all creation.The sustaining life force of all things that were made.
Every cell is alive because of this force-which Lao Tze called Tao.
Christ named it holy ghost-Guru Nanak called it Shabd mohmmed -named it Kalma-Socrates -logos or music of the spheres.
In Maori -wairua-many paths many philosophies many races–the same truth the one truth is -God- the path of light and sound etc is the cure for all ills-Love is the cure for bipolar-the resonant harmony of a balanced mind.-with a little help from our friends
Living Teacher, a path, a goal, -balanced life adherring to the principles of our chosen path-and this will bring a healthier mind to cope with the tsunami of bi polar destiny.
It has worke d for me-I still get the DSM V classic symptoms-but am able to cope better.
My friends I try to educate about my probs-this news letter helps
anyway thats my experience-dont give up is key-believe in your self and sleep eat well take meds be normal-express your self without hurting you or others.Find a non violent way to be angry-
to be loving-ut KNOW We are all RESPONSIBLE bipolar disorder or not for OUR ACTIONS. God -Atheist Agnostic Bless.
How dare you compare homesexuality to a mental illness shame on you, take your meds