I'd had depressive symptoms since childhood. I'd had lengthy periods of psychological therapy and counseling, and was always treated as depressed. I'd always thought my "high" periods were simply good moods for a change.
It took a good psychiatrist to recognize what was really going on. Some of those high moods had been hypomania. My depression often had symptoms that pointed to mixed episodes.
It took a good psychiatrist to recognize what was really going on. Some of those high moods had been hypomania. My depression often had symptoms that pointed to mixed episodes.
When he told me I needed a mood stabilizer, my jaw dropped. I was already working on this About Bipolar Disorder site. I knew what "mood stabilizer" meant. I was stunned. All I could think was: What? ME? I'm Bipolar?
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Oh yeah, it is a shock for most. Just the opposite for me though. I knew that I had a problem as early as 15 years old. I didn’t think about it one way or another. I didn’t talk about it because how do you say, “hey, I think I have some kind of mental illness?”
Later I thought it was just a personality disorder. That was easy to cover. I just drank alcohol and used drugs. That masked the real problem within my mind.
I was so bad at one point that I could party for days while everyone else dropped off like flies. I would do all of this , go to work and when I got off start right back where I left off.
I really had a death wish I guess. I knew what that was about. I had lost friends that had committed suicide, and I knew that it was due to drugs and alcohol.
Then came the point when I lost everything that I had. I knew that I had to do something, so I entered rehab. What an eye opener that was for me.
Still, I went quite a few years until I was diagnosed with Bipolar disease. I had a couple of mini strokes, and, during the course of testing I was found to harbor this awful malady.
My only wish is that I could have known earlier in my life. I do feel bitter, and I have a hard time not blaming myself for all the time I suffered, and in turn made others around me suffer. Oh yes, I’m not supposed to go back, but is is very difficult not to think back and cringe when I remember certain experiences. It’s hard not to hate myself, not to forgive myself for the pain and suffering I caused.
I now am under the care of pretty good professional’s and that helps. I would suggest anyone that thinks they may be demonized with this terrible affliction seek care. You will be heading off turmoil at the pass.
I wasn’t shocked at all. I went in & said “Something’s not right. My thoughts are going a mile a minute, I can’t sit still, I haven’t slept in a week. I just don’t feel right.”
I’d had a history of depression & anxiety from childhood, but it was always manageable. This speedy feeling was really concerning me. When the dr asked “Has anyone ever told you you might be bipolar” it all fell into place. I was glad to have an answer because I was having some really weird behaviors & thoughts that frightened me. A diagnosis gave the symptoms less power.
i was diagnosed 3 years ago with bipolar 2 and was so relieved with the diagnosis after suffering since teens and i am 59 now finally am getting the right meds and psychological help. i have begged dr;s to help me over the years and was just fobbed off.
Susan,
Like you I was not diagnosed until the age of 36, by then I was ready to jut throw in the towel. Also, like you I was actually relieved by my diagnoses and know that now something can happen. Ten years later, I have been on the cocktail and continue with therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy has helped me AS MUCH as the meds because it teaches one to monitor ones thoughts. If you learn to do that, you can learn to head off mood swings before they get out of hand.
Be sure that the docs check your thyroid. Low thyroid can contribute to depression and that type of depression is very resistant to meds.
May God have you in His Hands and keep you in His Protection!