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Just like everyone else considering adoption, you have to be prepared, and you have to "pass inspection." Adopting a child has conditions. And these conditions apply to everyone.

Adoption, just like having a biological child, should be very carefully considered. If necessary, get off fantasy island, plant your whole self firmly on solid ground. Only reality counts; realistic expectations are the only expectations worth having. Parenting is a full-time, lifetime commitment that requires putting yourself second. It's difficult, confusing, frustrating, bittersweet, hilarious, sweeter than honey, and better than wonderful. Free time, especially the first few years, is minimal.

Read all about it, but more importantly, come as close to experiencing it first hand as you can. Observe parenting in action. Be objective about what you see and hear. Hang out with parents and their kids. Talk to those who have adopted, or who have biological kids. Watch them. Watch their kids. If you have the chance, take your sister's or brother's or friend's children overnight, or for a weekend. Okay, when you're babysitter, an auntie, etc., you CAN go home when mom and dad get back, so it's not exactly like having your own - but there are similarities that could help you in your realistic approach to becoming a parent. Did you like it? Were you counting the seconds till you could go home? What was the hardest thing about it? The best thing? Do you think you could you do it full time? Do you think you'd WANT to do it full time? Is it for you? And if there's a partner in the picture, is it for him/her? Write it out, talk it out. I did this stuff before we adopted. It was a whole lot more work than play than I had imagined. And now, I'm there. And without hesitation, through it all, I would not trade being mommy for all the diamonds in the world.

The road to adoption is such a loving choice!! Once you have taken considerable time to carefully decide to pursue it, then it's time to get in shape, get in gear, and get going! The adoption process takes time, logic, common sense. It also takes heart and soul. It is not without risk, it is not without rules, regulations, and scrutiny. Before you adopt, you must assess yourself and prove - to yourself, and to those professionals who are in one way or another connected to you and your adoption - that you are much more than just "marginally capable" of parenting a child. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't say you can when you can't or shouldn't. Don't talk the talk and walk the walk when you can't supply either with substance. And even if you can fool the best of them, don't. If you use this kind of deception in order to adopt a child, the repercussions will likely be seriously injurious - especially to a child who is going to trust you with its life. Be honest and up front with yourself and your adoption workers. To be or do anything BUT this will have devastating, irreversible results for everyone involved.

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