Actually, “liked” isn’t quite the right word. When I first heard Hate Me, Justin Furstenfeld’s velvet voice caught my attention, but the words entranced me. When he sings, you believe him. The chorus begs you to “Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.” I want that! I want to have the strength to tell people that I am ok with whatever they think of me if that is what works for them. How did Justin do it? So I cranked up the speakers and dove into the CD. After I listened to Hate Me about five times, I move on to the other songs.
I only got to have the CD for a few hours before my daughter demanded it back, but it was long enough for me to discover “X Amount of Words”, song #9.
Prevent trigger intent
Say X amount of words
You're solar, bipolar
Seems harder and harder and harder
Still you try to control it
- “Its proof to show that I bleed for this/and I'd cut myself the shame/to get to know this masochist/who has stolen my first name.” (“Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek”).
- “It's the guilt of what reality has given me. Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity and when you're sick you seem to think you've failed eternally.” (“Overweight”).
When I first wrote this article in 2007, I noted that Justin openly discussed his struggles with mental illness and his experiences, but I couldn’t find that he had named the disorder. He has now stated in interviews that he has bipolar disorder. Regardless, it has always been clear that Justin understands the battle those with bipolar disorder fight. His music touches; it strikes a chord that we understand, that we feel.
Alexander, Kiki. (2006, March 17). Blue October: Yielding mortality.
Dan Kisielewski, Dan. (2006, July 31). Blue October – "Foiled" - review.
Jonboy. (2006, June 14). An interview with CB Hudson of Blue October.