The support people of a bipolar individual need to be patient, patient, patient. We are easily distracted, have difficulty with concentation and focus, and forget what you told us 5 seconds ago -- much less being able to remember to do something you ask us to do 5 hours from now. We lose things, misplace things, or just plain do not see things that are right in front of our eyes! While looking for that "misplaced" item we misplace 10 more items. By this time our mind is in a panic and total state of confusion!
We used to be organized and on time but now it can take hours to get organized and get together the things we need when preparing to get out the door to go somewhere. By this time we are irritable and so is our family.
We lose our train of thought, what we meant to say comes out backward or the word we meant to say comes out as a different word that starts with the same first letter. At times we fly into a rage over seemingly nothing; some of us get physical, but most of us are not.
To those who are support people and/or family and friends, understand that none of the above is personal. The irritation, frustration, and confusion that you feel about us at times, we feel triple that amount about ourselves plus add in a huge scoop of guilt and shame over our actions. So be patient with us and know that most of us do what we can to take care of ourselves and take the responsibility of keeping the effects of our illness to a minimium.
We do this by taking our meds, going to therapy, and educating ourselves about our illness so that we may know ourselves better and successfully intervene on our own behaviors. Be patient, also, for with every ongoing recovery there are relapses along the way.
It goes without saying that with our family and friends we need their love even when we act like we don't, and with paraprofessional and professional support people, we need for you to care about us as indivduals and not as just another patient rolling through the assembly line. Compliance comes a lot easier in regard to your treatment recommendations when you really listen, appreciate our uniqueness, intelligence and talents, and recognize that we can be informed team players in our own treatment plans.
Most of all, whether it be family, friends, or treatment professionals, DO NOT GIVE UP on us if we have not given up on ourselves.
I am fortunate. I can really be an exasperating family member and patient but my family, friends and all treatment team members hang in there because I do, and they believe in me even when such belief wavers sometimes within me.
--by LWM6, About.com Bipolar forum member
The Take-Home Message
Forgetfulness and being easily distracted are common in bipolar disorder, especially in a person who has racing thoughts, which can be anything from music that won't quit to a dozen conversations going on in one's head, or a repetition of a phrase that goes on and on and on. These can occur during mania, hypomania, mixed episodes, and even when the person's mood is mostly stable.
Disorganization, too, is common, and may be even more pronounced when the bipolar person also has a touch (or more!) of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADD or ADHD). The overused adage "A cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind" never applied so much as to a person with bipolar disorder or ADD/ADHD (or both). People in stages of mania and hypomania may be working on a dozen projects at once. People who are depressed may just not be able to think about keeping things organized.
Being patient when your bipolar family member's distracted or disorganized behavior is irritating and frustrating isn't easy. You may have to force yourself not to say anything and fake patience. If you're waiting to go somewhere, standing by the door rolling your eyes and tapping your foot won't help matters and may fluster the person you're waiting for even more. If you're not on a deadline, grab a book, sit down, enjoy yourself. Your calmness may be contagious!
If you are on a deadline (as for an appointment), you still need to behave calmly, attempting to find out what is holding things up, staying pleasant (even if you're seething inside), doing your best to help the bipolar person find (or give up looking for) whatever it may be.
It won't do you any good to express anger anyway. You might feel better for venting, but it's almost certain to increase the agitation of a person with BP and delay you even more.
