Is It Me?

Where did I go? The one that raised a son to be a lawyer, by myself? The one that would work 16 hours at a crisis home if needed? Am I the one that a lot of the time cannot get out of bed, now? The one that cries a lot, now? The one that craves to just be able to go back to work, now? The one scared of meeting new people, now? The one who can't wait to be back at home, now ... who hates to try to be social, now? Where did I go?

I want the old Carol back. I am soooo tired of this new Carol - who cannot hold a job, who is on so many pills I don't want to count ... who is sick of all the doctors, now. Who is on disability and not making enough to really live, now. Where am I? Where did I go?

I want my old self back ... the one that had courage, drive, jobs, volunteering in 3 places at a time while working ... WHERE DID SHE GO? PLEASE, call her back for me, I have tried but to no avail. I'll be waiting here for the old Carol to show herself again ...