by Marcia Purse
If I had looked up the withdrawal side effects for Ativan/Lorazepam, I wouldn't have been surprised at what was happening. They include: trouble in sleeping; increased sensitivity to touch and pain; increased sweating; mental depression; muscle cramps; and tingling, burning, or prickly sensations. (There are more symptoms that I didn't have.) But it's bloody scary that changing from a dose of 2 mg to 1 can have such dire effects. Even scarier that my body reacted anew when I went from 1 to 1/2, and from 1/2 to zero.
During the next few days I dropped both Gabitril and Wellbutrin, leaving me taking just 1 mg of Ativan. On the 16th I had a better day, but the headache returned on the 17th and I felt so bad on the 18th that I stayed home from work and slept and slept and slept. On Saturday I actually put in some hard physical work, washing the sunroom floor. That night I dropped my Ativan dose to 1/2 mg.
The next day I wrote:
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3:40 p.m. Blah. It's not happening. Between my back and my brain I'm pretty much hobbled. I can't think straight. Inside my head there is a whirlpool ... the sound of the air conditioner, beating at about 4 beats/second, has set the Captain Kangaroo theme song pounding in my head - funny, because it's not at all a pounding sort of piece. But the A/C pounds. My teeth clench and grind. My fist clenches in the cats' fur, but I don't hurt them ... I keep having to go and pop that infernal rib back in. I could SO easily give up and go back to bed - I slept until 11:30! At some point I woke up from a dream so angry that I kept on hissing at the people in the dream out loud for awhile.
I can't make the simplest decisions. All I want to do is run away from responsibilities. The thought of going to work tomorrow fills me with lethargy. If I think about going outside to work I am immediately bombarded by thoughts of all there is to do - it is like being caught in a hailstorm. I almost physically feel pings inside my head. The more I write, the more numb I become, and the more sleepy. GOD! I can't THINK!
7:15 p.m. well, finally I gave up and went back to bed until dinner. What a frustrating day. Won't I EVER feel good again?
8/27 Saturday, 2:10 p.m.: "I just fell on my bad knee getting out of bed after a nap. Smashed a fingernail as it slid under the nightstand, too. Last night I went to bed about 11:15 and was still awake at 12:19. Woke enough to see the clock at two-something and six-something. Got up about 10:15? Don't know what time it was I lay down again to pop my back, but it might have been 12:15. I just couldn't make myself get up again. Dozed off until a few minutes ago."
8/28 Sunday, 12:30 p.m.: "To bed last night around 12:30. Couldn't see the clock easily, but at one point I did a dream inventory and recalled 5 or 6 dreams. Around 7:00 a.m. I got up and got an ice pack from the freezer for the back of my neck. Got up for good some time after 10:00. Innumerable brief awakenings to try to crack neck, fingers and wrists during the night."
9:20 p.m.: "I have two nights and a day to get through before I go to Dr. M's office Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. to meet with Eric and - I HOPE! - start some medication that will ease this crippling pain. What's really discouraging is that I took a pain pill 2 1/2 hours ago. It doesn't seem to have done ANYTHING. Maybe I've developed a tolerance for Naproxen? If I feel this bad in another 45 minutes, I'm going to take a busload of Ibuprofen and to hell with mixing NSAIDs. I don't care. I can't bloody STAND it." In fact, I did find that switching to Ibuprofen helped. I had been taking Naproxen daily since my first bout of costochondritis in 2000 - long enough for it to lose its effectiveness.
On Monday the 29th I went to work late for the 19th straight day (including the day I stayed home all day). On Tuesday the 30th I had my study intake appointment. The first order of business was a urine test to make sure I had no benzodiazepines in my system.
I passed.
