What symptoms did you have before you were diagnosed?
From early teens I've had a BIG personality and just not really fit in. An odd sense of humor, grandiose, life of the party, but also have a very melancholy/artsy side that comes out. As I grew into an adult, I experience the hypersexuality, gambling, talking way too much, interrupting conversations. I have been to the hospital courtesy of the police many times - once in handcuffs. Just too many symptoms to name. Probably the earliest symptoms I remember are the racing thoughts and just waking up thinking that I did something wrong but not knowing what the heck it was. Just feeling doom hanging over me.
What events led to your being diagnosed bipolar?
A manic night of walking alone at night in the rain in a short sweater dress and heels. I believe I was in a mixed state. I called a friend in Atlanta, apparently threatened suicide though I don't remember. There were five police cars in front of my house. I can remember grunting like an animal and swinging my head from side to side. I do that when I'm psychotic/scared. Don't know why. I cursed the police and threatened them. Tried to take their weapons. Tried to kick out the windows in the police car with my stilettos. Kicked at patients in the hospital walking by. Was psychotic and scared of my own boyfriend when he showed up at the hospital. Shot up with Geodon. They were kind enough to get me an express appointment in to local free mental health.
- Getting a diagnosis is a good thing!
- Meds help me feel normal.
- I am not this disease.
- I can forgive myself.
- I am responsible for myself and my actions.
- I have to ask for help.
- I am stronger than this disease.
- This disease is smart but I am smarter.
What Is Your Current Diagnosis?
Do You Agree With the Diagnosis? Why or Why Not?
Yes I do! Everything just fell into place when I got my diagnosis. I just nearly cried from relief. I'm not a bad person! I'm a sick person, but I am responsible for making sure I stay well.
I love all my BP brothers and sisters out there.