Talk about yourself
My mom was a single mom and we were poor. I was always very moody. I was depressed a lot and even flew into rages. The rages were so bad that I would throw pots and pans through windows. I felt I had a lot of anger. I was mostly a loner. I liked being by myself. I didn't make friends easily. I was always the outcast in the neighborhood and at school. I was a shy kid and very untrusting. My family were outcasts because we didn't have a father. I believe I had bipolar disorder all my life, I didn't know it then but I feel I had the symptoms of the illness.
How Did Other Children Mistreat You?
I was teased, laughed at and even threatened. I never did get hit even though I came close at times. I got bullied in and out of school. I didn't have many friends. I was pushed around. There were always other people around them but none behind me. I was scared but I also had the rages and would do things to them too. I tripped one of my enemies down a flight of stairs one time because I was angry at her. I can only take so much and then I lashed out at them.
Lessons Learned
- It affected me in the way that I don't trust people. It takes me a long time to warm up to others. But most of the time I just would not trust. I get so close to someone and then my feelings would just send out red flags and that was it. I am still that way. To this day I don't really have many friends. I have just about three friends to my name and I don't even see them very much. I am very leery of people. I trust my family and that's it. I am single, never been married because I don't trust guys either. I am still pretty much a loner, with just being around my family.
Do you think bipolar disorder helped make you a victim?
I am not sure if bipolar made me a victim, but I think it helped me when I had had enough with them. I would get them back. I think being overweight and poor didn't help. I guess it could have because I was depressed which I think that was like a radar to home in on me.
Did being bullied damage your self-esteem?
I believe being bullied did a lot of harm to my self-esteem. I still have low self-esteem and am still scared to meet others even today. I still need help with my self-esteem. I even feel ugly and just don't like myself. I think if I had the money, I would change myself looks wise.
Do you still have "victim" characteristics as an adult?
I still feel like a victim because I can't make friends and I only trust the people in my family. I have never been married and doubt if I ever will. So it has taken a toll on my life. I am not outgoing. I stay home most of the time.
Anything more you want to say?
I admit that I was bullied but what is going on today is even more devastating than what I went through. I was able to go home and hide. The kids today with the technology we have get bullied even worst than I did. I felt suicidal when I was a kid, kids now have it worse.
