Basic description of my rapid cycling bipolar disorder:
My moods tend to last 3-7 days, but if my meds are not working, or if I am about to start my period, I can cycle up to 5 times in one day. I usually land in depression more often than mania, and even the mania comes with extreme agitation. I have had the symptoms of a rapid cycler since I was 12, but was not diagnosed until I was 20.
More details about my rapid cycling:
Rapid cycling has almost destroyed my marriage. I have been medication resistant for 4 years and going from one extreme to the next 3+ times in one day is hard on me, much less on my husband who is receiving the brunt of my anger and frustration. Work is also affected. I may be in a great mood and half way through a big project when I can feel myself shut down. I can't get anything done, I can't remember anything and focusing is impossible.
Lessons Learned
- We all have good days and bad days. But going from happy and laughing, to crying and locked in my room, then back again within 30 minutes of each other makes it obvious that it is not a normal bad day. I have learned that when I feel the highs coming on (usually accompanied by extreme agitation) that I need to go sit alone for a few minutes and focus on bringing myself back to a normal heart rate. Walking the dog has also worked wonders for helping me stabilize myself. No people, no TV, no house to clean; makes it much easier to calm down.
More I want to share about rapid cycling:
It is hard to control, and even harder for people to believe that it is actually a disorder. My husband believed for a long time that I was using the diagnosis as an excuse for my behavior. It wasn't until he realized how miserable I was that he understood I didn't want to be like that.
My cycles' severity is:
When not on medication the severity is atrocious. Racing thoughts control everything, clang associations are apparent, I can't control my mouth, I shake, my heart rate goes through the roof, and 30 minutes - 2 hours later it will subside. Once it's over with I can hardly remember it at all.
Over time, my rapid cycling is getting:
Better. Slowly better. Learning how to take myself down a notch has helped. I'm slowly finding medication combinations that work.
Rapid cycling has kept me from:
Being happy.
