Basic description of my rapid cycling bipolar disorder:
I have "episodes" that come on without ANY warning. After reading (a lot) of books and articles/publications about Rapid-cycling Bipolar, I have come to realize that I am an Ultra-ultra-rapid cycler. What this means for me is to go from what seems like EVERY hour is every emotion in sometimes less than a 1-hour period, again and again and again all day long.
What this means for my mom and sister (who I live with) is that they have their hands full and are constantly battling this disorder too. I get impulsive behavior...i.e. drinking in excess...eating too much... being reckless and promiscuous...spending too much.
More details about my rapid cycling:
The list goes on and on. This is why I have very few friends as, the people who are drawn to me are those of like mind which creates a toxic combination of impulsive behavior run wild. I was diagnosed some time ago after a bad episode and I had also been cutting myself during the frustrated moments when I just wanted to run away from myself. I have been suicidal and I have been institutionalized. To meet me...none of this would be apparent as I am a master at hiding my symptoms for short periods of time.
- To be on the right combination of meds and "talk" therapy, whether in a support group and /or speaking with a professional therapist (a I do), is KEY! I am feeling better after a recent change in my meds and what seemed to be a mental breakdown/breakthrough last night. I realized the huge burden I place on my family and am trying my best to manage this monster that seems to be resting right now (thank god)! I am on Prozac, Xanax, Abilify and Geodon. High milligrams of each. I don't feel medicated or groggy...but am starting to think this cocktail works for right now.
More I want to share about rapid cycling:
I am somewhat newly diagnosed so I don't really have a hold of everything and am still prone to episodes. I am trying to educate myself so I can perhaps recognize any warning signs or symptoms that an episode is coming on.
My cycles' severity is:
Very severe, hard to handle. Ultra-ultra-cycling...which I think is more common in children. I was 27 when I got my diagnosis.
Over time, my rapid cycling is getting:
I think it WILL get better...but who's to say? I know from my therapist that this doesn't go away, but CAN be managed.
Rapid cycling has kept me from:
Having a great relationship with my family :( It keeps me with the sad feeling you get when you are a burden on someone...guilt, shame, etc...