Away with your negativity bullies!
- We are told to be quiet and not mention our opinions. I have tolerated toxic people for a long time in my life. Friendships that end in negativity. Finally, after my own self help I have learned to accept those whom aren't toxic and just live my own life the way I want to live.
- —Guest Jennifer
Tired of being the class clown
- I have had a friend for several years who doesn't want people around her to express any negative feelings at all. I'm not talking about going on and on about something, just expressing disappointment with a situation, person, etc. in my friend's presence. She will immediately change the subject. I don't think I'm being toxic, because I can have the same conversation with other friends and they aren't disturbed at all by what I say -- in fact, they empathize. I think my friend is probably depressed and I feel sorry for her, but I have started limiting my time with her because I find myself getting angry when we are together. I feel like I'm supposed to "entertain" her with only positive, uplifting thoughts and that she really doesn't want to listen to what's going on in my life.
- —Guest Kathy
*Breathing Easy; Is What Counts-
- When I have to deal, with a close acquaintance or close friend, who can be very toxic to me at times, first, I give myself a positive self-talk of pleasant affirmation, I recite quietly to myself, which calms me down not to react negatively, towards the people in my life, ignorant yet miserable toxic comments or conversations, as well as slowly inhaling gently, and exhaling in a soothing manner, to relieve the pressure, off my mind which relaxes my physical well-being, in helping myself to better deal with, a toxic person in a more effective and assertive yet firm positive manner, encouraging the people who are toxic to me, to become less toxic to themselves, in return promoting relaxation, and better enjoy, the gift of living, and living life with a better purpose.
- —Guest Angelee
What will it cost me (or my loved ones)?
- Ask yourself what would happen if you just cut the person off? If it's your mom and your kid's grandma, the cost might be too great, so maybe it's better to try to keep the relationship limping along, and try to grin and bear it. But if it's a toxic, draining friend who demands non-stop attention and gives little back, you might be better off without her.
- —Guest SusanH
Remember the Positive
- Like Nancy, I have a sister who can be toxic, calling to talk for hours about all the negative things in her life. Remembering that she's a good person at heart who wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone helps me reign in my patience and keep my distance from her problems. As others said, you can't change that kind of person, you can only protect yourself.
- —PaigeExercise
Nag
- I enjoy a good gripe session, which could mean I am the toxic one, especially since I often feel pretty good after discussing the problems and coming up with solutions, but the people I'd ID as toxic exude rather than vent. They exude anger, frustration, bitterness, and sadness. They are silent images of wrath. Only thing to do is push them to do something -- anything to take their mind off. Otherwise, I have to get out of there or find someone else to vent about it to.
- —gillns
Life is Too Short to Put Up With It
- Because I work with home buyers and sellers day in and day out, it's hard to control who comes into my life. Buying or selling a home is stressful, and often emotions run high. Throw into that mix a toxic personality, and some situations can turn explosive. When I recognize those traits in buyers or sellers, I immediately refer them to another real estate agent who doesn't mind the drama. Life is too short to spend even one day being miserable because of another's negative output.
- —Guest Elizabeth Weintraub
ID and avoid
- When I find someone who makes me feel badly consistently, I try to ID what the triggers are so that I can avoid it. I don't generally say anything to the person complaining, as they probably don't realize they are doing it. Instead, when I realize a complaint string is on approach for arrival at Jenn's airfield, I act as air traffic control and find another place to be. I have been known to even look at my (watchless) wrist, exclaim "look at the time!" and run out of the room. I've told phone callers that "oh, I've got a call on another line, can I call you back?" I realized that I'm a better friend to these people if I don't end up resenting them constantly.
- —Guest Jenn
Screen Your Calls
- I have a family member who doesn't mean to be toxic, but her personal problems are so severe that she is constantly calling everyone to discuss them. (Yes, she is in therapy.) She calls very late at night and early in the morning. I have learned to screen my calls with caller ID. She will usually leave a voice mail, so I can listen to the message and determine whether I should call back right away or get a decent night's sleep first.
- —Guest Nancy
Redirect the Conversation
- I have a person in my life who is unavoidable - she is very good at bringing everyone around her down! I am a very empathetic person, and I used to absorb her worries and sadness, but now when she starts her litany of moans and groans, I do my best to change the topic of conversation to something positive without being too obvious.
- —cdgthomas
Don't Think You Can Change Toxic People
- I think an important thing to remember when dealing with toxic people is that it's not your job to change them. It's easy to think that if you could just make that person happier, then they'd be great friends. But often, you can never do enough to fill the hole that's eating them up. Change has to come from within.
- —AbContests
Compartmentalize
- I try to put them in "little boxes" in my head. I make sure that if I have to interact with these people that I remember that I don't want them to have an effect on my life outside of that situation. That doesn't always work, but it reminds me that my time is precious and I can't let toxic people make it miserable any more than they already do.
- —AmelieS
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