From the article: Toxic People
Is there a toxic person in your life? How do you cope with such people? Share Your Ideas
funny visual
- i was told that when the toxic one(starts their crap ) visualize them behind the bars of a state mental institution.lol. ive done this many times during my boyfriends"matrums" :)
- —wvtami
solutions
- having a toxic in my life i have worn myself out trying (to get along). i had to realize ..first,to look at the part I play in it. (expecting them to change). like beating a dead horse. then realizing i cant change them. what do I choose to do. so far i have chosen to change. my choice means ball is kn my court. ive learned to take one situation at a time. realiz can pic my battles. ask god for help. realize that they are the one with the problem.and with these tools i do my best. sometimes out comes are good. sometimes not so good. i have to change my (expectations) dont expect well behavior from a sick person. this has helped lots.
- —wvtami
Bipolar Husband
- I too, have a Bipolar husband who rapid cycles. He is on several meds, but still frequently can be very toxic. It does no good to reason with him when he is in one of his moods. I have learned to not react and refuse to get drawn into an arguement. That makes him angry, but I am a happy individual, not prone to drama. It is hard to deal with him when he goes off on a rant about this and that that I have 'done' but in reality, he just describes himself!! It is like at times he loves to wallow in self pity, of course that just makes it all worse. He's gone to counseling, we have tried counseling together, but he doesn't cooperate. He will act all cooperative in the session, then it is just right back to the same old thing.
- —Guest Deb
Emotional vampires
- I have with time been able to spot toxic people fairly quickly. I am a light hearted and happy person and if I talk to someone and feel totally sucked dry afterwards I'm dealing with a toxic. I have a neighbor that stops by and unloads on me all her crap and then she leaves happily and I'm full of her crap. I'm avoiding her and hope she will get the hint. My bf can also be toxic and I stay away from him when he is. I have a mental shield and just deflect it and stop listening. I find things to do alone that I enjoy. Our relationship is petering out and I hate to say it but I hope he moves on soon. These people are like blood sucking parasites. They also divert me from my primary purpose of being happy.
- —Guest Kelly
What about when the risk is too great?
- What happens when the toxic one is your own mother? She needs you to help pay the bills, she is a widow and lonely and needs you in her life. She is over controlling and everything about her is negative and abusive. You can't screen your calls, she will knock on the door, you can't lock the door or she will unlock it. You can't exscape because she calls everyone you know to hunt you down. I'm so overwhelmed and angry. help.
- —Guest heatherc
Obsessed with making it right
- Had a very good friend who walked out of my life after an argument she had started. I have repeatedly apologized for my part. Have tried everything to make things right between us, but she told me recently when we ran into each other accidently that she had spent hours "praying" about forgiving me and God hasn't given her the answer. It makes me very sad and depressed we can no longer be friends. How do you just eliminate a "best friend"?? I went through so much with her... her fight with colon cancer, her shaky relationship with her husband, being fired from her job. I am besides myself as to what to do next
- —MEGIRL45
toxic family holds
- Thnx 4 this site! Very enlightening. after years of living with a bipolar mum and co-dependency issues, an absent father, jealous stepmother who plays my sister up against me, i am so tired of the guilt and isolation and being their scapegoat. they've labelled me, withheld their love and showered all their love on my sister who doesn't challenge them. she drains me with her incessant complaining, appears intact be4 my folks, whilst i am straight down the line. today i hv made up my mind to walk free, i don't need them and their pettiness and defensiveness. thank God i hv a wonderful husband, so thats worth living for. sometimes i cld just run away. then i get a call and innuendos of how much time my folks spend with my sis, when avoid me. i'm so tired and depressed about this. i really want to know if it is fine to disown one's family.
- —Guest freedom
Let them go !
- The article suggest that someone can make you feel sad, depressed or angry and that's not true ! I can't make anyone feel anything, I am responsible for how I feel but I'm not responsible for how you feel. How can you blame someone for YOUR Feelings ? this is pretty simple but sometimes very hard, let them go ! I do not talk to my mother, father or sister, I do talk to my brother. my x-wife is very toxic, I only talk to her about my girls and that is it, I will hang up on her if I have to and do regularly.
- —Guest dentec
Toxic friendship went on far too long
- Amy and I were friends when our children were little. She was funny, very intelligent, and a good mother. But a divorce brought out such bitterness and hate that I couldn't stand to be around her. She lashed out at everyone, especially women in happy marriages who didn't have to work for a living. She made me feel that I didn't deserve the blessings in my life. She hated her job, saying it was beneath her, but made no effort to find something better. She had serious rejection problems, saying no one wanted to be around her. They didn't, because she was so full of hate. She was the loneliest person I knew, and my heart ached for her. I urged her to get counseling, even offered to help pay for it, but she wouldn't go. I finally had to sever the friendship because it was eating me alive. I could literally feel the hate and rage whenever I was around her. I sent her an email asking her not to contact me again until she got some help.
- —Guest Linda
bipolar husband
- i havent read anything yet here on bipolar husbands. mine does rapid cycling and i am trying to figure out how 'not' to let it hurt me and get on with my day. he sees nothing wrong with himself only with me. it's hard for the kids too. we are not his first family. i am not in the position to leave or make another home for me and the kids as he made promises to all of us to take care of us . i have put all my money into the home to make it comfortable for all. and, i dont beleive in giving up. although i wish i were alone again. any ideas out there to help me cope with his disorder. he can be such a kind person when he is well. in between.
- —Guest donnall
Disquised Toxic
- I was in a relationship for a year with a man I just now realized was toxic to me. He was very charismatic and we started out as friends before dating. However, he almost constantly "picked on" or pointed out negatives in the people that were his "friends" and also towards me. He thought it was funny and almost always told me it was to get my juices going. It felt fine for a while but over time it really began to make me fell less confident and I guess was a way he could be domineering over me. I recently cut him completely out of my life but thought we may someday be friends again, like we started out. I know realize that I should never spend any time with him and, although he has done some nice deeds to help me out, I should refuse any gestures toward rekindling either our relationship or friendship. Just realized I am so much happier hanging around people who communicate love and support and not people who feel they should cut down or pick on the people they supposively "love
- —Guest Chelle
bipolar husband?
- when my husband has "episodes" he is mean, tells me he wants me and kids out of house, has glazed over eyes, and when i try to defend myself he doesnt let me get a word in. Pretty much tells me how i dont do anything right, kids dont do anything right, etc. It is very hurtful. This is not the first marriage. Then he comes out of it, and is just happy as can be, but, i am still hurting. He is on Effexor that doesnt work right. He says there is nothing wrong with him, it's all me. Help, I'm so sad and trying to figure out how I can make myself content with this lifestyle.
- —Guest donnall
A Book Really Helped Me
- I found a reference to a book in an article I was reading several years ago and I found the book and bought it, it changed a lot for me and helped so much. It's called Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. Seriously read it.
- —Guest tai0316
wishful thinking
- thanks for ur great article...it's so true, those people really exist,and as u said we are more open and receptive to those negative people..but i just can't ignore them, i'm good to people who r good to me, and can't look at those whom i don't like..in other words i can't control their vibes, nor pretend i like them?? is there a certain exercise (yoga, meditation, thai chi etc...?)thnx again 4 ur enlightment
- —maya529
shielding
- I learned a very valuable tool many years ago when I was teaching. I shared my frustration with a fellow counselor. I had developed an adult ed class on the topic of adult children of dysfunctional families in the workplace. There were people of many different levels of self awareness. Each time I would encounter one or two who wanted to argue with me or interrupt me when i was talking. Sometimes they would make sarcastic remarks and then say "only kidding" when I knew they meant it. I learned to make a visual shield for the front of my body. Some nights I'd go home and could almost feel the arrows that had been directed towards me. But it fixed the problem. I may walk away with a dented shield but my heart and spirit remain untouched.
- —Guest cribwinner27
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